Men in Black 3 Review

I am very interested to know who wanted this movie, I mean I understand that their is a certain fondness for the original but the sequel tanked and was shredded by critics and audiences alike. Now 10 years later and after a  long winding and bumpy production we have MiB 3, and its about 15 years too late. The jokes are dated the formula predictable and the actors are clearly not as invested as they were in their first outing. But thankfully MiB 3 does provide a nostalgic throwback as well as a heartfelt twist on the series as a whole.

Time travel is the conceit this time around and after a fun villain intro and a look at a typical day in the life of Agent K & J the story quickly sets up some plot hole ridden excuse to set the movie in 1969. Along the way though we are treated to a patch-worked overly conveinant story that has two count them TWO saving graces. Josh Brolin as young K is a revelation his impersonation is spot on and he seems to be the only one who is enjoying himself. Tommy Lee Jones is dependable as always but he seems extra "I'm just here for a paycheck". Will Smith who is always eminently watchable even in his worst films is simply going through the motions trying futilely to recapture that slick cocky attitude he displayed in all his movies in the 90's and has since moved away from. The last gem in this movie is Michael Stuhlberg as Griffin a 5th dimensional being who can see all possible universes at once, his performance is that of the quirky tag-along sidekick and the scenes he is in are easily the most fun and interesting. He gives a one note role such life I walked out thinking he should get his own movie. 

The movies real problem is the script which feels patched together from random ideas that clearly didn't originate from one seamless cognitive thought. The stop-n-go production clearly effected this movie as scenes flow oddly jumping from location to set piece with no real sense of rhythm; chase scenes are over as soon as they begin, nothing is earned everything conveniently falls in the laps of our heroes making them seem incompetent as if they couldn't get anything done without the script explicitly giving them what they needed. But the biggest failing of this movie is the complete lack of any humor, that's not to say MiB 3 all of a sudden became a dark introspective drama it just isn't funny like... at all. In fact it is painfully unfunny with every joke sucking the fun and joy out of the film like some horrible deep space vacuum. Will Smith uttering the phrase "shiznit" was so outdated and unfunny the entire audience, no exaggeration, let out an audible groan. Whoever wrote this film needs to step away from comedy forever, every single thing that is supposed to instill laughter is eye-rolling and simply falls flat.

MiB 3 is really unfortunate; its unfunny and the whole production just seems 15 years to late. The first movie should have been the last we saw of this franchise. This movie is a marked improvement over the abysmal second film but its infamous production setbacks cost this movie whatever semblance of good-natured fun it might have otherwise had. Two worthwhile performances and a sentimental ending that gives a whole new perspective on the series are the only saving graces of this film. Rent it if your feeling nostalgic but know going in this is not the MiB so many people fell in love with more than a decade ago.

(2 out of 5)

Community Three-Part Season 3 Finale Review

Community is not your typical sitcom, seemingly normal at glance but hiding a warm gooey center that includes a ventilation shaft dwelling monkey named Annie's Boobs. The humor in Community stretches from ludicrously absurd, hilariously racist, uncomfortably awkward, wildly random and even surprisingly poignant. Community gets away with a lot of insanity because it has a big heart whether for its lovable characters, general pop culture or even weird twisted sense of humor. Community is one of the few shows on television that is actually funny, like legitimately funny. Its absurdity and brazenness allows it to mine jokes from places other shows wouldn't dare attempt including but not limited to alternate universes, dungeons & dragons, paintball massacres, pan-sexual principle, and a character with Aspergers. But Community thrives on the genius minds and massive cojones of its writers and talented cast. 

"Digital Estate Planning" (5 out of 5)

Community has done visual gimmicky episodes in the past, with the clay-mation Christmas episode but "Digital Estate Planning" attention to detail and hilarious dissection of videogame tropes makes it an instant classic. Though wildly out of place falling in between the Greendale Seven's expulsion and the actual finale its easily forgiven for its clear loving lampooning of videogame culture. Whoever worked on the visuals for this episode deserves most of the credit, the attention to detail, the visual gags, and the inside humor was all spot on. The videogame designed by Pierce's blatantly racist father is stuffed to the brim with culture insensitivities and yet is surprisingly in-depth and the groups exploration of these two aspects are where the laughs originate. Troy constantly jumping around in the background, Abed falling in love with an NPC, even the nods to particular videogames from graphics to sound everything is handled with an obvious affection by writers and actors who clearly know and love the same pop-culture as its audience. The cameo from Breaking Bad baddie Giancarlo Esposito was also a fun if hamfisted addition.

"The First Chang Dynasty" (5 out of 5)

"The First Chang Dynasty" did two things exceedingly well, watching Chang's insanity come to fruition and a wonderful riff on heist movie style and cliche. Chang's Greendale is about as insane as I could have hoped, thrones and tiger statues, pre-pubescent security and keytar solos. Mix the insanity with another in a long line of Community cinematic homages and you've got another classic episode. The Ocean Eleven references were on in full effect, and watching the study group fill the standard heist rolls was great. As usual Troy and Abed were gold as fast talking plumbers and even the Dean who is holed up most of the episode shines when he gives is response for retaking his position at the school. The thing that I have always respected about Community is its respect for whatever happens to be the butt of the joke each episode, they don't simply point and laugh, the jokes come from personal experience and even unadulterated adoration. The heist spoof goes as far as to riff on typical heist editing style, the plan being explained while simultaneously being executed and even the surprise twist ending that doesn't go as planned. The end was fitting bringing back the season long plot of the air-conditioning repair school courting Troy to join their program in exchange for their help in part of the heist.

"Introduction to Finality" (2 out of 5)

This episode was boring, there I said it, I mean wow, after the two previous absolute killer episodes the actual final episode was a major letdown. While it wrapped up season long threads including Troy's trail and tribulations with the air-conditioning repair school as well as the evil Abed from the alternate timeline. It all just felt lacking, and the sidebar *pun intended* of the courtroom storyline felt forced and only lead to the now tepid and predictable Jeff motivational speech. What this episode lacked in innovation or interesting plot it made up for in generally great Community humor and a nice montage that could have served as a series finale wrap up. Though since getting a 13 episode fourth season it now seems out of place. Overall Community overcame its hiatus and season long high-wire balance between renewal and cancellation with its strongest season yet. #6SeasonsAndAMovie

BREAKING NEWS: BEEP ... BEEP BEEP BEEP... BEEP
I am receiving confirmed reports that Dan Harmon, creator of Community has been fired by Sony(the rights holders of the show). Sony has appointed two new "who-gives-a-fucks" to head up as showrunners for the upcoming fourth season. Sony has not released a full press-release and Dan Harmon has since had to respond in a non-official capacity on his blog which you can read here: (Dan Harmon: "Hey, Did I Miss Anything?" ) This does not bode well for the critically beloved show and its devoted fan following. Dan Harmon was an integral part of the show as it exists, sorry existed, his demented mind touched every script and his influence made Community the ridiculously absurd show we all knew and loved. It remains to be seen how this will effect the show moving forward into next season, but rest assured Community will not be the same.

P.S. <FUCK YOU, SONY>

Max Payne 3 Review

It has been nine years since the last Max Payne game and this time around development has been handed over to Rockstar Vancouver who previously worked on Bully. It is very clear from the word go that Max Payne 3 is a very different game than its predecessors, showing more of a resemblance to the recent Kane and Lynch series than either of the two previous Max Payne games. Gone is the comic book noir atmosphere and quirky self aware humor. Instead Rockstar opts to tell an disturbingly dark and mature story about a man at the end of his rope desperately grasping for some semblance of meaning to his life and in that is where the game succeeds the most. 

Few games better document the journey of a tortured drug addled alcoholic. Straight away the game is seeped in pulpy noir atmosphere and the Michael Mann/Tony Scott mash-up inspiration makes for an intoxicating experience. Rockstar is nothing if not bold, and Max Payne 3 is as bold as you can make a traditional third person shooter; yes that statement was meant to be underhanded and it’s what keeps Max Payne from reaching truly exceptional heights. Behind the impeccable level of graphical detail and master class storytelling and characterizations is just another third-person cover based shooter. That’s not to say the gameplay or the mechanics are bad they just aren’t very interesting anymore. The shoot dodge that made the original Max Payne unique at the time is now negated by a surprisingly brutal difficulty that forces you to activate slow-mo from behind cover and simply pick off enemies from a distance without any panache. I can count the number of times I leapt through the air guns blazing between my fingers, their just aren’t any moments that require or even allow that kind of play-style.

The game oozes atmosphere and the visual flair taken verbatim from any number of Tony Scott films is slick though sometimes overused. It’s appropriate when the action is chaotic but out of place when Max is simply walking through a favela in Sao Paulo, Brazil. The way the screen cuts into squares for transitions or splashes keywords across the screen all add to the unique visual style only a Rockstar game can provide. Max’s voice actor is also of the high caliber typical of Rockstar games with gruff and self-deprecating monologues mixed in among the shots of brown liquor and painkillers. The game does a fantastic job really selling the fact that Max Payne is a horrible piece of shit that has had horribly shitty things happen to him. Yet his compulsion to help the helpless and do good for the sake of some karmic equilibrium for the things he has done makes him an incredibly compelling character.

Max Payne 3 is another in a long line of impeccable Rockstar games. They simply know exactly how to deliver the best experience for whatever that particular game happens to be. The level of detail is unrivaled from broken glass to individually rendered bullets, everything in this game is of the highest quality including voice performances and even the synth-rock soundtrack which is fantastic. Max Payne 3 is undoubtedly one of the most all around well made third-person shooters. Yet every time you find yourself in another shootout amid the roughly 8-10 hour campaign no matter how incredible the set-pieces or varied the environments, you realize the mechanics simply aren’t anywhere near as engaging as the story, atmosphere or even Max himself.

(4 out of 5)

Quick & Dirty Reviews

21 Jump Street (2 out of 5)

The next entry in the increasingly predictable remakes that prey on audiences nostalgia hits with mediocre comedy, out of place violence and two leads who could not be less charismatic. 21 Jump Street attempts to give a raunchy twist on the 80’s television show to make its existence at least slightly more acceptable. But lame crude humor and painfully unfunny gags make this a chore to sit through. There is some decent action and legitimately smart self aware comedy but the introspective look on typical action movie cliché and the constant evolution of high school society isn’t enough to save this pitiful remake. Save for a hilarious cameo near the films end, this movie is forgettable and highly unnecessary.

In Time (3 out of 5)

Never has such a brilliant premise been capped at the knees more disappointingly by a lackluster script. It’s a crying shame In Time doesn’t expand and explore its premise of a world that runs on time; you see at the age of 25 everyone stops aging and an embedded internal clock exposed in the individuals forearm begins to tick down from 3 years. Time is the currency in this world, except if you run out of time, you die. Justin Timberlake plays Will Salas a blue collar worker who after saving a mans life in a bar is bestowed 116 years. From there the Timekeepers are after him, since Time is regulated and the rich stay young and the poor simply die. Salas kidnaps a billionaire’s daughter and begins robbing time banks, and ala Robin Hood gives to those less fortunate, spreading the time. This movie succeeds solely on its engaging leads and fascinating premise. But the standard generic story and horrendous time based puns hurt the movie tremendously. 


Haywire (3 out of 5)

Steven Soderbergh tackles another genre (spy thriller) and masterfully directs the films action and its MMA superstar Gina Carano. Unfortunately everything else falls by the wayside, Carano as expected is not a very good actress and her obviously audio mixed voice is incredibly distracting. The plot is also needlessly convoluted, jumping from twist to turn without every explaining the bigger picture. But on to the good stuff, Soderbergh directs with such flair its mesmerizing; the action is easy to follow and gut wrenchingly brutal, not violent just gritty and realistic. Carano unsurprisingly kicks serious ass in her fight scenes and watching her slowly kick the shit out of each member of the cast is half the fun. The movie plays against expectations and is better for it; every time a fight breaks out or a chase commences you expect the camera to start whipping around with quick cuts to emphasize movement and intensity. Instead Soderbergh does the opposite keeping the camera steady in the car during a chase helping immerse the viewer or keeping the camera steady as two people fight for their lives. Haywire is a stylish spy thriller that buckles under too many mediocre elements.


This Means War (1 out of 5)

An empty soulless attempt at an action filled romantic-comedy. The in-demand duo of Chris Pine and Tom Hardy lead an ill-fated mission to win the heart of The Spoon, sometimes known by her obscure name, Reese Witherspoon. This movie fucking sucked, I mean I could go into a whole ordeal about how The Spoon is a sunken whore of a human being in this movie as she leads on two men, just to see what it would be like to be with two guys at once. I could also mention how none of the characters make logical choices nor do they appear to be actual human beings at all, instead they seem a lot more like mannequins put on display by movie studio executives to lure poor idiotic movie goers. Everyone involved can and have done much better, and were it not for what I hope was an incredible paycheck none of these fine actors would have ever been involved in such an airless movie. This Means War is what anyone with a semblance of intelligence will be screaming at the makers of this movie by the time the credits role. Steer clear of this predictable, lazy, ugly piece of garbage.