Men in Black 3 Review

I am very interested to know who wanted this movie, I mean I understand that their is a certain fondness for the original but the sequel tanked and was shredded by critics and audiences alike. Now 10 years later and after a  long winding and bumpy production we have MiB 3, and its about 15 years too late. The jokes are dated the formula predictable and the actors are clearly not as invested as they were in their first outing. But thankfully MiB 3 does provide a nostalgic throwback as well as a heartfelt twist on the series as a whole.

Time travel is the conceit this time around and after a fun villain intro and a look at a typical day in the life of Agent K & J the story quickly sets up some plot hole ridden excuse to set the movie in 1969. Along the way though we are treated to a patch-worked overly conveinant story that has two count them TWO saving graces. Josh Brolin as young K is a revelation his impersonation is spot on and he seems to be the only one who is enjoying himself. Tommy Lee Jones is dependable as always but he seems extra "I'm just here for a paycheck". Will Smith who is always eminently watchable even in his worst films is simply going through the motions trying futilely to recapture that slick cocky attitude he displayed in all his movies in the 90's and has since moved away from. The last gem in this movie is Michael Stuhlberg as Griffin a 5th dimensional being who can see all possible universes at once, his performance is that of the quirky tag-along sidekick and the scenes he is in are easily the most fun and interesting. He gives a one note role such life I walked out thinking he should get his own movie. 

The movies real problem is the script which feels patched together from random ideas that clearly didn't originate from one seamless cognitive thought. The stop-n-go production clearly effected this movie as scenes flow oddly jumping from location to set piece with no real sense of rhythm; chase scenes are over as soon as they begin, nothing is earned everything conveniently falls in the laps of our heroes making them seem incompetent as if they couldn't get anything done without the script explicitly giving them what they needed. But the biggest failing of this movie is the complete lack of any humor, that's not to say MiB 3 all of a sudden became a dark introspective drama it just isn't funny like... at all. In fact it is painfully unfunny with every joke sucking the fun and joy out of the film like some horrible deep space vacuum. Will Smith uttering the phrase "shiznit" was so outdated and unfunny the entire audience, no exaggeration, let out an audible groan. Whoever wrote this film needs to step away from comedy forever, every single thing that is supposed to instill laughter is eye-rolling and simply falls flat.

MiB 3 is really unfortunate; its unfunny and the whole production just seems 15 years to late. The first movie should have been the last we saw of this franchise. This movie is a marked improvement over the abysmal second film but its infamous production setbacks cost this movie whatever semblance of good-natured fun it might have otherwise had. Two worthwhile performances and a sentimental ending that gives a whole new perspective on the series are the only saving graces of this film. Rent it if your feeling nostalgic but know going in this is not the MiB so many people fell in love with more than a decade ago.

(2 out of 5)

Community Three-Part Season 3 Finale Review

Community is not your typical sitcom, seemingly normal at glance but hiding a warm gooey center that includes a ventilation shaft dwelling monkey named Annie's Boobs. The humor in Community stretches from ludicrously absurd, hilariously racist, uncomfortably awkward, wildly random and even surprisingly poignant. Community gets away with a lot of insanity because it has a big heart whether for its lovable characters, general pop culture or even weird twisted sense of humor. Community is one of the few shows on television that is actually funny, like legitimately funny. Its absurdity and brazenness allows it to mine jokes from places other shows wouldn't dare attempt including but not limited to alternate universes, dungeons & dragons, paintball massacres, pan-sexual principle, and a character with Aspergers. But Community thrives on the genius minds and massive cojones of its writers and talented cast. 

"Digital Estate Planning" (5 out of 5)

Community has done visual gimmicky episodes in the past, with the clay-mation Christmas episode but "Digital Estate Planning" attention to detail and hilarious dissection of videogame tropes makes it an instant classic. Though wildly out of place falling in between the Greendale Seven's expulsion and the actual finale its easily forgiven for its clear loving lampooning of videogame culture. Whoever worked on the visuals for this episode deserves most of the credit, the attention to detail, the visual gags, and the inside humor was all spot on. The videogame designed by Pierce's blatantly racist father is stuffed to the brim with culture insensitivities and yet is surprisingly in-depth and the groups exploration of these two aspects are where the laughs originate. Troy constantly jumping around in the background, Abed falling in love with an NPC, even the nods to particular videogames from graphics to sound everything is handled with an obvious affection by writers and actors who clearly know and love the same pop-culture as its audience. The cameo from Breaking Bad baddie Giancarlo Esposito was also a fun if hamfisted addition.

"The First Chang Dynasty" (5 out of 5)

"The First Chang Dynasty" did two things exceedingly well, watching Chang's insanity come to fruition and a wonderful riff on heist movie style and cliche. Chang's Greendale is about as insane as I could have hoped, thrones and tiger statues, pre-pubescent security and keytar solos. Mix the insanity with another in a long line of Community cinematic homages and you've got another classic episode. The Ocean Eleven references were on in full effect, and watching the study group fill the standard heist rolls was great. As usual Troy and Abed were gold as fast talking plumbers and even the Dean who is holed up most of the episode shines when he gives is response for retaking his position at the school. The thing that I have always respected about Community is its respect for whatever happens to be the butt of the joke each episode, they don't simply point and laugh, the jokes come from personal experience and even unadulterated adoration. The heist spoof goes as far as to riff on typical heist editing style, the plan being explained while simultaneously being executed and even the surprise twist ending that doesn't go as planned. The end was fitting bringing back the season long plot of the air-conditioning repair school courting Troy to join their program in exchange for their help in part of the heist.

"Introduction to Finality" (2 out of 5)

This episode was boring, there I said it, I mean wow, after the two previous absolute killer episodes the actual final episode was a major letdown. While it wrapped up season long threads including Troy's trail and tribulations with the air-conditioning repair school as well as the evil Abed from the alternate timeline. It all just felt lacking, and the sidebar *pun intended* of the courtroom storyline felt forced and only lead to the now tepid and predictable Jeff motivational speech. What this episode lacked in innovation or interesting plot it made up for in generally great Community humor and a nice montage that could have served as a series finale wrap up. Though since getting a 13 episode fourth season it now seems out of place. Overall Community overcame its hiatus and season long high-wire balance between renewal and cancellation with its strongest season yet. #6SeasonsAndAMovie

BREAKING NEWS: BEEP ... BEEP BEEP BEEP... BEEP
I am receiving confirmed reports that Dan Harmon, creator of Community has been fired by Sony(the rights holders of the show). Sony has appointed two new "who-gives-a-fucks" to head up as showrunners for the upcoming fourth season. Sony has not released a full press-release and Dan Harmon has since had to respond in a non-official capacity on his blog which you can read here: (Dan Harmon: "Hey, Did I Miss Anything?" ) This does not bode well for the critically beloved show and its devoted fan following. Dan Harmon was an integral part of the show as it exists, sorry existed, his demented mind touched every script and his influence made Community the ridiculously absurd show we all knew and loved. It remains to be seen how this will effect the show moving forward into next season, but rest assured Community will not be the same.

P.S. <FUCK YOU, SONY>

Max Payne 3 Review

It has been nine years since the last Max Payne game and this time around development has been handed over to Rockstar Vancouver who previously worked on Bully. It is very clear from the word go that Max Payne 3 is a very different game than its predecessors, showing more of a resemblance to the recent Kane and Lynch series than either of the two previous Max Payne games. Gone is the comic book noir atmosphere and quirky self aware humor. Instead Rockstar opts to tell an disturbingly dark and mature story about a man at the end of his rope desperately grasping for some semblance of meaning to his life and in that is where the game succeeds the most. 

Few games better document the journey of a tortured drug addled alcoholic. Straight away the game is seeped in pulpy noir atmosphere and the Michael Mann/Tony Scott mash-up inspiration makes for an intoxicating experience. Rockstar is nothing if not bold, and Max Payne 3 is as bold as you can make a traditional third person shooter; yes that statement was meant to be underhanded and it’s what keeps Max Payne from reaching truly exceptional heights. Behind the impeccable level of graphical detail and master class storytelling and characterizations is just another third-person cover based shooter. That’s not to say the gameplay or the mechanics are bad they just aren’t very interesting anymore. The shoot dodge that made the original Max Payne unique at the time is now negated by a surprisingly brutal difficulty that forces you to activate slow-mo from behind cover and simply pick off enemies from a distance without any panache. I can count the number of times I leapt through the air guns blazing between my fingers, their just aren’t any moments that require or even allow that kind of play-style.

The game oozes atmosphere and the visual flair taken verbatim from any number of Tony Scott films is slick though sometimes overused. It’s appropriate when the action is chaotic but out of place when Max is simply walking through a favela in Sao Paulo, Brazil. The way the screen cuts into squares for transitions or splashes keywords across the screen all add to the unique visual style only a Rockstar game can provide. Max’s voice actor is also of the high caliber typical of Rockstar games with gruff and self-deprecating monologues mixed in among the shots of brown liquor and painkillers. The game does a fantastic job really selling the fact that Max Payne is a horrible piece of shit that has had horribly shitty things happen to him. Yet his compulsion to help the helpless and do good for the sake of some karmic equilibrium for the things he has done makes him an incredibly compelling character.

Max Payne 3 is another in a long line of impeccable Rockstar games. They simply know exactly how to deliver the best experience for whatever that particular game happens to be. The level of detail is unrivaled from broken glass to individually rendered bullets, everything in this game is of the highest quality including voice performances and even the synth-rock soundtrack which is fantastic. Max Payne 3 is undoubtedly one of the most all around well made third-person shooters. Yet every time you find yourself in another shootout amid the roughly 8-10 hour campaign no matter how incredible the set-pieces or varied the environments, you realize the mechanics simply aren’t anywhere near as engaging as the story, atmosphere or even Max himself.

(4 out of 5)

Quick & Dirty Reviews

21 Jump Street (2 out of 5)

The next entry in the increasingly predictable remakes that prey on audiences nostalgia hits with mediocre comedy, out of place violence and two leads who could not be less charismatic. 21 Jump Street attempts to give a raunchy twist on the 80’s television show to make its existence at least slightly more acceptable. But lame crude humor and painfully unfunny gags make this a chore to sit through. There is some decent action and legitimately smart self aware comedy but the introspective look on typical action movie cliché and the constant evolution of high school society isn’t enough to save this pitiful remake. Save for a hilarious cameo near the films end, this movie is forgettable and highly unnecessary.

In Time (3 out of 5)

Never has such a brilliant premise been capped at the knees more disappointingly by a lackluster script. It’s a crying shame In Time doesn’t expand and explore its premise of a world that runs on time; you see at the age of 25 everyone stops aging and an embedded internal clock exposed in the individuals forearm begins to tick down from 3 years. Time is the currency in this world, except if you run out of time, you die. Justin Timberlake plays Will Salas a blue collar worker who after saving a mans life in a bar is bestowed 116 years. From there the Timekeepers are after him, since Time is regulated and the rich stay young and the poor simply die. Salas kidnaps a billionaire’s daughter and begins robbing time banks, and ala Robin Hood gives to those less fortunate, spreading the time. This movie succeeds solely on its engaging leads and fascinating premise. But the standard generic story and horrendous time based puns hurt the movie tremendously. 


Haywire (3 out of 5)

Steven Soderbergh tackles another genre (spy thriller) and masterfully directs the films action and its MMA superstar Gina Carano. Unfortunately everything else falls by the wayside, Carano as expected is not a very good actress and her obviously audio mixed voice is incredibly distracting. The plot is also needlessly convoluted, jumping from twist to turn without every explaining the bigger picture. But on to the good stuff, Soderbergh directs with such flair its mesmerizing; the action is easy to follow and gut wrenchingly brutal, not violent just gritty and realistic. Carano unsurprisingly kicks serious ass in her fight scenes and watching her slowly kick the shit out of each member of the cast is half the fun. The movie plays against expectations and is better for it; every time a fight breaks out or a chase commences you expect the camera to start whipping around with quick cuts to emphasize movement and intensity. Instead Soderbergh does the opposite keeping the camera steady in the car during a chase helping immerse the viewer or keeping the camera steady as two people fight for their lives. Haywire is a stylish spy thriller that buckles under too many mediocre elements.


This Means War (1 out of 5)

An empty soulless attempt at an action filled romantic-comedy. The in-demand duo of Chris Pine and Tom Hardy lead an ill-fated mission to win the heart of The Spoon, sometimes known by her obscure name, Reese Witherspoon. This movie fucking sucked, I mean I could go into a whole ordeal about how The Spoon is a sunken whore of a human being in this movie as she leads on two men, just to see what it would be like to be with two guys at once. I could also mention how none of the characters make logical choices nor do they appear to be actual human beings at all, instead they seem a lot more like mannequins put on display by movie studio executives to lure poor idiotic movie goers. Everyone involved can and have done much better, and were it not for what I hope was an incredible paycheck none of these fine actors would have ever been involved in such an airless movie. This Means War is what anyone with a semblance of intelligence will be screaming at the makers of this movie by the time the credits role. Steer clear of this predictable, lazy, ugly piece of garbage. 

The Avengers Review

It's been five films in the making all leading up to this very moment, when earths mightiest heroes would assemble to do battle with a seemingly unstoppable force. Who could possible have the courage to step up and lead these heroes into battle, none other than Joss Whedon of course. If ever there were a man more capable of achieving the possibly disastrous, taking four wildly different and incredibly powerful super-humans with massive egos and sticking them into the same frame of a movie, there was never a better man for the job. Whedon masterfully balances each of these characters, jumping between the snarky self-obsessed Tony Stark and the honorable soldier Steve Rogers with such ease. It was never going to be easy taking a character who on their own can and have sustained their own films and franchises and thrusting them all together and watching what happens. But Whedon pulls it off while simultaneously showing everyone how to make a fantastic superhero movie.

So lets do a headcount; the billionaire Tony Stark/ Iron Man, the recently unfrozen WWII super-soldier  Steve Roger/ Captain America, the God of Thunder Thor, the unstably angry Bruce Banner/ Hulk, the Russian super-spy Natasha Romanov/ Black Widow, the supernaturally accurate Clint Barton/ Hawkeye and the man with the plan Nick Fury. Yeah, that's a lot of characters and that still doesn't include the villainous brother of Thor and god of mischief Loki who descends upon Earth with the forethought to conquer and rule it with the help of an alien army. That's a lot to set-up and subsequently pay off within a single movie, but Whedon pulls it off with ease. Every character gets their moment in the spotlight, no one no matter how big or green is over shadowed or even highlighted, everyone plays their part and its what makes the idea of forming the Avengers that much more believable. Each has their strengths and weakness but together they stand a fighting chance at driving Loki and his army back to whatever hole they crawled out of.

As always Whedon's writing elevates things, specifically dialogue which capture the essence of each character wonderfully before thrusting them weapons loaded at each others throats. There is quite a bit of hero on hero action, which any self respecting comic book fan knows is half the fun of getting these characters together. Whedon does a fantastic job keeping the characters in line with their previous outings, Thor is still the fish out of water, Iron Man still gives a lot of guff, and Captain America is as noble and righteous as ever. Whichever character you like most you will undoubtedly come away satisfied that their voice remained true and that they got to kick some ass. The one person everyone without question will come out of the theatre cheering about and who completely steals the show is Hulk. This is the Hulks third attempt to capture audiences attention on the big screen and he handily wins over the crowd. Marvel should be proud they finally perfected the Hulk, and Mark Ruffalo is the best Banner yet mixing his immense intelligence with a constant melancholic view on his predicament he is world weary but has accepted his fate.

If I were forced to come up with a single negative comment it would be that Captain America's suit looks terrible. I'm serious that's the only thing I've got. The movie is pristine, The Avengers is how you make a comic book movie. It's not just a big loud spectacle, though there is plenty of that as well, but it has heart and it's funny and smartly written and directed, better than I ever could have hoped. Loki is the best villain Marvel has yet committed to film and as a foil to the Avengers he is fantastic, taking more advantage of his mischievous ways than his turn in last years Thor, he is crueler and more conniving and is great fun to watch.

The Avengers is an incredibly fun ride, its a tad predictable but really aren't all movies. The Avengers at least doesn't kid itself with what it is and instead delivers what it should in spades. Your favorite heroes on grand display duking it out on an epic scale, hilarious dialogue and likable characters mean you'll be cheering on with the theatre as each fight commences. Joss Whedon should be given great credence in what he has achieved here, the immense talent it takes to craft a story with this many characters and making sure all of them serve the plot and are given significance is astounding and no one could have done it better. Whedon continues to prove everything he touches is immediate nerd gold, and I hope he comes back for the sequel.

(5 out of 5)

The Walking Dead (Game) Episode 1 Review

The Walking Dead is the latest game from adventure focused developer Telltale, the eventual 5 episode long series follows new character Lee Everett an escaped convict and abandoned 7 year old Clementine as they simultaneously traverse and survive the zombie apocalypse. Set in the increasingly popular world of Robert Kirkman's The Walking Dead, the game unlike the television series is actually canonical to the events in the comic book series which means it fills in gaps and follows the general path laid forth by the books. Thankfully Telltale diverges from the Rick Grimes story which is the center of the books and show, instead fleshing out the world beyond the group fans have gotten to know so well while still keeping in the spirit of the comics.

Last time out with the Jurassic Park game Telltale stumbled trying to craft a more action oriented game while still maintaining their trademark classic adventure game style. That being said Telltale had a lot to prove with The Walking Dead and clearly they knew that, because they have nearly perfected the balance between the more action heavy elements with the more traditional adventure game tropes Telltale has long since perfected. It really is a relief, The Walking Dead deserves an impeccable game that captures what the comics and show are all about, its not the mindless zombie violence its the extremely dire situations and strong relatable characters. No one could have made a more analogues game, Telltale has a real knack for storytelling and its on strong display here, mix that with engaging dialogue and well written characters and The Walking Dead has now mastered three forms of entertainment.

The game is a point-and-click adventure game, you can move Lee the main character around the environment and interact with certain objects like other games of its ilk, you collect items and trail-n-error your way through puzzles at points in the game. There is plenty of dialogue with other survivors and how you act and the things you say will have an impact in the way the story unfolds. For instances as a convicted murderer Lee may not want to divulge that information with every stranger he meets, less they refuse to help him or outright kill him in a world free of any semblance of right and wrong. Telltale nails all of it, and best of all they even nail the action. Action is treated more intelligently than Jurassic Park, no more random obscured button presses, instead you move a cursor around the screen and choose from a variety of option in how to interact with said highlighted object. The action is sparse but intense, and each zombie that appears is a critical life and death struggle, its not as simple as point and shoot but only because it more akin to click and choose.

Telltale comes out arms raised fists pumping above their heads. The Walking Dead is their best effort yet, and to put it into context I've played every one of Telltales games and The Walking Dead is the strongest in every category. No other developer could have done the license justice as well as Telltale has, by focusing on the story and characters they made a zombie game that is still fresh and unique. I was so thoroughly immersed while playing this game I was truly blown away, I couldn't pause it or look away for a second the action is frantic and appropriately frightening and gruesome and the story was Telltales most engaging yet. The episodic format means each episode ends with a cliffhanger that'll have you chomping at the *flesh* for the release of the next part of the series.

(5 out of 5)

The Cabin in the Woods Review

The Cabin in the Woods is a difficult film to review, not because its divisive, on the contrary its inarguably the best "horror" movie of the past 20 years or so. But it is a film with a lot of layers, layers which are best discovered in a theatre with as little known about it as possible. Avoid the internet, trailers or even water cooler discussions. Instead run to to your local theatre buy a ticket and enjoy what will undoubtedly be the most talked about movie of the year, just know its not what your expecting. Written by the venerable Joss Whedon, The Cabin in the Woods takes an introspective look at the horror movie genre, breaking it apart and examining every cliche, stereotype, and template that has been used in every horror movie for the past 50 years.

Cabin in the Woods is bar-none the most intelligent horror movie ever made, even when you think you have it figured out it morphs into something even more magnificent and continues to dive deeper and deeper into the genre so many people love. If the movie has any fault is that it may completely turn the audience against the classic horror movie genre altogether. This movie breaks the genre by calling those movies out, from the classic Friday the 13th, to the gore-porn genre made popular by Saw, and even all those Syfy original's like Sharktopus. Whedon and director Goddard clearly love the genre but seem to have gotten fed up with its increasing predictability. Whedon especially takes full advantage of his trademark sense of humor and general snark and wit, which is on grandiose display here with great pitter patter dialogue and likable characters.

There will come a time during Cabin in the Woods where you'll wonder, "where are the scares ?" and "why am I laughing so hard ?". Cabin is so confident in its device (which I wont even hint at for fear of ruining anything this brilliant film achieves) that it sidesteps any notion of scaring the audience, that's not to say its slow and predictable its actually anything but. Instead Cabin opts to telegraph jumps scares and leave long tension rich buildups with no pay off. It's incredibly subversive and it wouldn't surprise me if it actually angered some people, for not just following the typical formula audiences have become so comfortable with. The slutty girl will die just as things begin to get "hot", the jock will go down in a brutishly heroic way and so on. Cabin plays against your expectations and twists them and turns them to fit its own ends.

The Cabin in the Woods is ferociously smart, deviously fun, and forces discussion. Its everything a good movie should be. Cabin is probably the most meta film ever made, the inane yet appropriate way to explain it is that "its a horror movie about horror movies about horror movies". There is no doubt by the time the credits role and you have reached the end of this expectation shattering ride and as you begin to lift your jaw up off the floor you will turn to the other members of the audience and bite your tongue to stop from screaming, "HOLY SHIT, when he..., and then they ...., but it was all ...,". Do Not under any circumstances miss this movie, The Cabin in the Woods has out-thought ever horror movie to become an all time classic.

(5 out of 5)