Insidious Review

Insidious gives a good strong effort, but buckles in the last act with an ill attempt at explaining the supernatural goings-on. Directed by James Wan of Saw and Paranormal Activity fame, Insidious attempts to break the mold so many horror movies find themselves falling into, but instead trips up and merely delivers a few fantastic jump scares and a eerie atmosphere that never really settles on either side of the fence of truly horrifying or campy fun.

As previously noted, Insidious tries to mix up familiar horror tropes by giving us a haunting situation that isn't limited to any house, so when the increasingly terrorized family ups and moves, the evil just follows them. Its a great and dubiously simple twist, but the inescapable nature of the threat really adds to the tension. The scares come fairly obviously with long single takes that can only end in a loud piano strike, or a simple mundane activity that urges you to clench your fist awaiting the inevitable creepy music or maniacal whispering. Its all a bit rote but nevertheless when it goes for a scare it succeeds.

The last 45 minutes or so are what bring this movie to a screeching halt. Someone during the production of this film thought it was a good idea that they explain why our heroes are experiencing hallucinations and why their oldest son has fallen into an endless sleep. The family hires a team of what amount to ghost hunters, and after a quick inspection find that their son has been lost to the "Further" a dimension where tortured souls lay in wait; to get their son back the father-played by Patrick Wilson-needs to traverse into this dimension and fight off the demons and ghosts to save his son. The last act seems like it must have been written by somebody else since it doesn't meld with the tone and suspense of the rest of the movie. It doesn't help that the films measly million dollar budget doesn't allow for better effects, and so our journey through the "Further" is nothing more than the same locations you have seen up to that point in the film spruced up with the help of a fog machine.

Insidious could have been a film that buried under your skin and swam around in the back of your head, subconsciously eating at your dreams for weeks to come, but the disjointed final act and an ill conceived notion to explain away the mysteries softens its impact. Insidious does provide some great scares and a chillingly tone, but it unfortunately only serves as a hard reminder that Hollywood even when approaching something with the best intentions, always seems to trip up in the delivery.

(3 out of 5)

Chuck (S5 E1) Versus the Zoom Review

Chuck is back for its 5th and final season, and unlike most shows this far into their lifespan, Chuck has reinvigorated itself and hopes to go out on a high note. A feat which seemed increasingly impossible every year that went by.Chuck infamous for being perpetually "On the Bubble" was miraculously renewed by the skin of its teeth last year. As an immense fan of this show, I am extremely excited to have Chuck back for one last round. This is a show unlike anything on TV a show that progresses its characters and plots forward in believable and engaging ways, its a show that unfortunately gets short changed year after year, but Chuck is getting one last Hurrah and I couldn't be happier.

Season 5 begins a few months after recovering from the myriad of cliffhangers the show ended on last year. With the Intersect out of Chucks head and inside Morgans'. Team Bartowski has separated themselves from the CIA and started up their own freelance spy business, and with the final realization that everything in Chuck's life has been seemingly orchestrated by some of the most powerful people in the world, Chuck Season 5 has a lot to cover in its 13 episode final season. The Zoom starts with a cold open, Chuck and Sarah have been captured by a slimy euro-trash aristocrat played gleefully by Mark Hamill (Luke Skywalker) and Morgan is their last resort to get out of this alive. Which brings me to my first worry, Morgan is a character who even in small doses can be very overwhelming, his attitude is a fun foil to Chuck but a Morgan who thinks he is bad-ass risks becoming obnoxious very quickly. Thankfully Morgan is toned down, even if our favorite spy team is relying on him to complete missions, he is still incompetently endearing.

While this episode was a great season opener including all the thing that continue to make this show great, witty comedy, insanely hot outfits for Yvonne Strahovski (Sarah) to wear and a sincerity often lost in most modern television shows. The episode lacks any real forward progress, understandable since they have to introduce a whole new dynamic for the show but the only hint to the future was an ominous speech at the end of the episode from Clyde Decker a CIA agent out for revenge. The spy mission in this episode quickly becomes generic and an accuse to do some light spying while we see Chuck dealing with not having the Intersect and feeling more and more like the third wheel. As well as Morgan and his shenanigans having the time of his life as the Intersect. And how can we forget the furthering adventures of Chuck and Sarah's relationship. Sarah and Chuck married is a lot like Sarah and Chuck engaged which was a lot like Chuck and Sarah dating, its all a series of adorable and sweet romantic scenes spruced up with sex and laughs, its all a bit familiar,but damn me if it isn't satisfying to see a couple with such great chemistry on TV actually getting and staying together.

Chuck Versus the Zoom was a welcome return from a fantastic show if a bit unnecessary and redundant, its the groundwork for whats to come, and so gave us just a taste of the new and invaluable Morgan; a Chuck who needs to balance a profiting business, keeping his smoking hot wife happy, and coping with the fact that he no longer has the Intersect. Chuck is a show that for reasons that I cannot fathom speaks to me, a show that makes me smile from beginning to end, and a show I have become so invested in I am sad to see it go. I will save my tears for when the show is officially over, but till then I intend to enjoy every last second.

(3 out of 5)

Duke Nukem Forever Review

I don't know what I was expecting after 15 years, one of the, if not the longest development cycle for a game in all of videogame history. Having been developed on every conceivable console since its announcement in 1996, there was no way the story of Duke Nukem was going to end well. Here we are almost 2 decades and 3 active developers later and Duke Nukem Forever has finally been released, and frankly they should have left it dead and buried. Unfortunately Gearbox felt the need to save Duke from his endless development hell after the closure of  Duke Nukem creators 3D Realms. And thus we are given a game that would have more appropriately been released around 1996, which makes sense, given that was when the games bullshit macho posturing was relevant.

Duke Nukem is a one of the worst games ever released and its only accomplishment, though in retrospect is kind of a big one, is its release. What we are given after 15 years of waiting is a half-assed first person shooter with all the markings of what qualified as a terrible game back when it was announced. Duke's shooting mechanics are shoddy at best, and are almost never accurate, the game tries to vary up its mechanics by introducing driving levels, underwater levels, and areas where you find yourself shrunken down and trying to traverse the environment. Its a good idea, but poorly implemented, each of these divergences go on to long, and having to stop the driving mission, to fill the car with gas is excruciatingly dull. Graphically the game fails utterly, with low texture quality and low polygon counts serving as constant reminders as to this games original intended release date.

The Duke is back, is a factual statement, but he is bringing his perverse and outdated one-liner with him. While Duke was funny, in his most memorable appearance back on Duke Nukem 3D, his movie quotes are 10 years too late. Its sort of funny to think of the character as a sort of relic of an era long since forgotten, but the game doesn't position him like that, instead portraying him as the same "badass" and ladies man he was back when he was relevant. Instead he and the onslaught of crude jokes come across as immensely unfunny and then mildly offensive.

Duke Nukem isn't without merit, well in actuality the game in fact is, but as a history lesson into one of the most delayed and resurrected videogames in history its quite fascinating. You can often see elements that, had this game been released in a timely faction would have blown peoples minds. When compared to today's current crop of games it is a testament for how far the industry as come. For that sole reason this game deserves a look, to see what games used to be, what they are now, and for the now legendary story of this games development. As a history lesson its fascinating as a modern videogame its laughably outdated.

(1 out of 5)

Dexter S6 E1 "Those Kinds of Things" Review

I have become so conflicted with Dexter since around Season 4. Dexter has so much potential to dig deep and show a deeply tormented man, trying to keep his unquenchable thirst to kill at bay, while raising a family and working as a blood splatter analyst for Miami Metro Police Department. Instead Dexter never carries through its developments, opting to always reset every season. Every year we are given a new villain that Dexter will need to track down and stop before he/she/or they do anymore harm. In Season 4 Dexter had to fend of The Trinity killers advances while protecting his wife Rita and kids, but by season end Rita was dead and the kids moved in with their grandparents. Last Season Dexter meet Lumen a young women who he connected to, and as a women seeking vengeance against the people who assaulted and tortured her she saw Dexter for who he really was and loved him for it, but once again by season end Lumen had been "cured" of her dark passenger and she moved on.

And so here we are in Season 6 with a fresh slate, its unfortunate Dexter (the show) has no greater ambitions, instead Season 6 feels (for better or worse) like taking Dexter back to his roots, more forensic cop by day killer by night. Dexter just happens to be looking out for the future of his son, by finding a pre-school he feels comfortable inducting his son into. Debra is cursing up a storm like usual and still dating Quinn, but apparently the investigation that had Quinn pinned as the man who killed Liddy last year, has been neatly and conveniently wrapped up off-screen. Batista has thankfully divorced LaGuerta (also off-screen) since they were the most annoying couple last year. This whole episode just feels to convenient, everything is as normal and simple as it use to be, where is the drama, why isn't Quinn under investigation or more importantly, still suspicious of Dexter.

Having said all that this was still a pretty damn great first episode, with Dexter tracking his latest prey at his high school reunion and being forced to be more social, something Dexter is not very good at, which leads to hilarious scenes of him trying to comprehend the phrase "Hammer Time" and more specifically how it relates to normal time. Watching Dex return fully expecting to be ignored as he was in high school, only to be the center of attention was the highlight of the episode, dancing terribly, getting a BJ from the prom queen, playing tag football, and learning that his date to the spring formal found out she was a lesbian after him. Its all played for laughs and is a great counterpart to him trying to get proof that the star of the football team killed his own wife, so he can kill him.


Back in Homicide a duo of religious killers, take their first step into whatever apocalyptic vision they have. Killing a fruit vendor by disemboweling him, replacing his intestine with snakes, and finally sewing the Alpha and Omega sign into his chest, all while quoting from the Bible (specifically Revelations). Colin Hanks seemingly plays the student role of this psychotic duo trying his best to seem like a killer but, so far I'm not convinced. He looks like a little boy wearing his daddy's jacket, and it honestly looks quite silly.


Either way Dexter is back, with an interesting set of villains, and a back to basics feel. Even if everything feels artificial and conveniently reset for the new season, its still fun to watch Dexter stalk his prey, and his new interest in religion could only lead to some great moments throughout the rest of this season. I just fear this show will lose its appeal the more it continues the same formula.

(4 out of 5)

Quick and Dirty Reviews

Bridesmaids (3 out of 5)

With so much buzz, I was honestly expecting so much more from Bridesmaids. With such a great cast including SNL stalwarts Kristen Wig and Maya Rudolph as well as The Office's secretary sweetheart Ellie Kemper. Its all just a bit to familiar and rout, most jokes can be seen coming a mile away and then end up falling flat. There is a surprising sincerity to the proceedings as the girl friendships begin to fall apart and real emotions start to boil. Some genuinely funny moments and some tender relationship bits aren't enough to keep the movie exciting for its overlong run-time of 2 hours. While there are some laughs, mostly provided by Mad Men's Jon Hamm playing a complete slime-ball and sex fiend, they come to far apart to make much of a difference. Bridesmaids just doesn't have what it takes to stand alongside what has become a very competitive genre. It's defiantly not the female version of The Hangover and its not even as good as most of Judd Apatow's films either (Superbad, Knocked Up).

Hesher (3 out of 5)

Hesher has a lot of interesting things to say, not so much from the titular character but the movie itself, unforuntely the movie stumbles by never choosing a storyline and sticking with it, instead opting to dabble in multiple heavily emotional and complicated story threads and in-turn forcing them to lack that certain punch. Hesher stars a washed out and mildly psychotic Joseph Gordon Levitt and he is the best part of the movie, a tornado of chaos with a bi-polar disorder, its insane and hilarious to watch him interact with everyday people specifically to see how they respond. Rainn Wilson and Natalie Portman have small roles in the film, and neither amount to anything but another touchstone in the series of long and emotionally complicated stories. Its a shame Hesher isn't more focused, because the plight of a boy losing his mother and coming to terms with that along with the realization that his life is just one horrible situation after another is a great template. Its a shockingly unsentimental movie given the subject matter, which is refreshing but the movie is often as frantic and unengaged as its titular character.

Tucker and Dale Vs. Evil (4 out of 5)

A hilarious and blood soaked good time, Tucker and Dale Vs. Evil does for evil redneck slasher films what Shaun of the Dead did for zombies movies. Its a heartfelt tale of two redneck lifelong friends who find themselves in one over the top misunderstanding after another. As a group of camping college kids mistake them for cannibalistic hicks, and thus begin to fight them, only to end up killing themselves in absurd ways as Tucker and Dale just try to stay alive long enough to try and explain their side of the story. Tucker is played by the always magnificent Alan Tudyk who gives a great performance for such a schlocky low budget horror comedy, its always great to see people commit to their projects, and never believing their "better than this". As fun as the movie is, it stretches its singular joke as far as it can go, making all the hillbillie jokes grow old and wear thin. Though I will say it is funny to see the evil redneck version of all these slasher movies, makes you think if The Hills Have Eyes was just a giant misunderstanding that could have easily been avoided. Tucker and Dale Vs. Evil is a touching bromance mixed with gory executions and exceedingly hysterical accidents and misunderstandings.

Terra Nova: Television Pilot Review

Jurassic Park this is not, but its also not a complete travesty. Terra Nova contains time-travel, dinosaurs, action, suspense and teenage angst; well four out of five a'int bad. Terra Nova might be the most ambitious television program ever, with enormous physical sets and tons of special effects that bring the dinosaurs and two very distinct civilizations to life. The fact that this program is executive produced by Steven Spielberg doesn't mean much, the obvious Jurassic Park connection is the  most Spielberg provides to the show, what your left with is an ill conceived melodramatic family drama filled with some great action scenes and some very impressive visual effects. 

Unfortunately Terra Nova doesn't have much substance, filled to the brim with less than thrilling performances and a feeble attempt at a family torn apart drama. Steven Lang is the only recognizable actor in the entire cast and he is just playing the exact same role he had in Avatar, to a T. Apart from Lang the rest of the cast is as forgettable and wooden as you would find in any day time soap opera. Which brings me to my biggest complaint, "who cares", I mean nobody on the show is compelling, if they had a "Hello My Name Is ..." sticker in plain view I would still forget who the heck any of them where, and why they mattered, other than being fresh bodies for the carnivorousness dinosaurs.

All in all Terra Nova is a less then impressive pilot that has some potential, if some major overhauls are made to some key elements of the story and if the lead characters are given a more interesting role to play. As of now, its a very expensive sometimes impressive light show, which only proves that money and a recognizable name (Steven Spielberg) means nothing if it doesn't have heart. Now excuse me while I re-watch Jurassic Park. 

(2 out of 5)

Drive Review

Hollywood as it exists now is one of the worst things that has ever happened to movies. There is a predictability and soullessness to the movies that the fat-cat executives spit out and spoon feed to the masses, its sickening. Between the emotionless romantic comedies (Life as We Know It) and the dramatic drivel (The Lincoln Lawyer) not to mention the inordinate amount of remakes or "re-imaginings" its becoming increasingly difficult to go see a movie and be legitimately blown away; to be surprised at the twist, to lose yourself in a absorbing plot, and to root for a hero who is a genuinely good person. Maybe it just needed someone to take a left-field approach, because Drive manages to be all of the best qualities movies can have, without holding anything back, making it the best movie of the year bar-none, and a film that has reignited my excitement about what movies can be.


Drive stars Ryan Gosling an actor mainly known for his romantic films (The Notebook, Blue Valentine) and is directed by Nicolas Winding Refn a European film-maker who made big strides with his previous film (Bronson). Both Gosling and Refn are odd choices for a neo-noir crime drama, but I think that's what gives this movie a much appreciated freshness. Gosling plays the titular driver, an unnamed no nonsense getaway driver with a few rules that he abides by with no excuses. He is the best driver in town, when he isn't avoiding cops he is a stunt car driver for television shows and movies, he also works part time as a mechanic and is soon to become a full fleshed stock car racer. Gosling's portrayal is of a stoic and restrained man, he barely speaks but when he does its simple and to the point. He also happens to be inhumanly nice, doing favors and pretty much bending over for people he respects and likes. Through a series of bad situations he finds himself going to extreme measures to protect Irene and her son who live next door and who he has grown to love. Gosling makes the character so likable through his tangible charisma and his unflinchingly nice persona, he never uses a gun and never actively participates in the crimes he is helping people escape from, which makes it all the more intense when he finally decides to start dishing out the violence. This is a man who has been pushed to his breaking point and anyone that decides to harm those he cares for are going to be in a world of pain.

Drive is a lot like its main character it is methodical slow paced film but when push comes to shove, it breaks out into a fury of violence that can not be contained. Its genius the way the director handles the action in the film, it reminded me a lot of sex, the way in which the longer and more meticulous the build up the bigger and more intense the climax. The movie uses violence brilliantly, its not in excess like in most American action films, where its a hail of bullets and explosion from beginning to end, instead Drive takes its time establishing the scene ratcheting up the tension and suspense to excruciating levels until BAM, it lets loose and boy does it let loose. Drive contains some of the most memorable and brutal acts of violence ever filmed -- a scene with a hammer and a single bullet is quite gut wrenching-- But the violence isn't desynthesized because it all means something, the violence is in direct response to the heightened emotions; and as the audience you care and are invested in the characters, making the bursts of violence that much more visceral.

Over the measured pace and explosive violence there is one of the best soundtracks in a movie, focusing on a genre called Synth-Pop which is exactly what it sounds like; simple pop music with great electronic beats laid in. The music in the movie also does something unprecedented it actually plays out unaltered, very reminiscent of John Hughes movies (The Breakfast Club) where the music isnt in the background its right up front, with no dialogue. The music itself sets the tone and the emotion, and for those who listen the lyrics in the music match exactly what is being expressed on screen, its quite incredible. The movie has a great sense of style, which can be attributed to the art-house influence the director brings -- quite evident in his previous directorial effort, Bronson -- Great camera shots and edits that keep the action quick and intense almost forcing you to hold your breath during them. Its masterfully crafted never glorifying the action instead opting to make you squirm and clench your fist. Even when there isn't any action, the director lets the camera roll, catching every quaint smile and touching glance forcing the human emotion to be laid bare. There isn't a lot of dialogue in the film, since so much is conveyed in all of the actors faces; yes, their all that talented.

Drive is a movie that fires on all cylinders, a movie without flaws and with such a level of confidence in all of its aspects that you as the audience buy every second of it. Immersing yourself deeper and deeper as the driver follows a path of vengeance to its brutal and extremely satisfying end. Drive is incomparable, it constantly breaks the formula and provides genuine shocks throughout, just when you think you have it figured out it deifies expectations. Drive is an incredibly stylish ride with a giant breath of fresh air; its a simple story that is made all the more engaging with a phenomenal lead actor, brilliant direction and a beautiful score. Its a film that has helped me remember how movies can be a truly transcendent experience. GO SEE IT, NO EXCUSES.

(5 out of 5)