Quick & Dirty Reviews

21 Jump Street (2 out of 5)

The next entry in the increasingly predictable remakes that prey on audiences nostalgia hits with mediocre comedy, out of place violence and two leads who could not be less charismatic. 21 Jump Street attempts to give a raunchy twist on the 80’s television show to make its existence at least slightly more acceptable. But lame crude humor and painfully unfunny gags make this a chore to sit through. There is some decent action and legitimately smart self aware comedy but the introspective look on typical action movie cliché and the constant evolution of high school society isn’t enough to save this pitiful remake. Save for a hilarious cameo near the films end, this movie is forgettable and highly unnecessary.

In Time (3 out of 5)

Never has such a brilliant premise been capped at the knees more disappointingly by a lackluster script. It’s a crying shame In Time doesn’t expand and explore its premise of a world that runs on time; you see at the age of 25 everyone stops aging and an embedded internal clock exposed in the individuals forearm begins to tick down from 3 years. Time is the currency in this world, except if you run out of time, you die. Justin Timberlake plays Will Salas a blue collar worker who after saving a mans life in a bar is bestowed 116 years. From there the Timekeepers are after him, since Time is regulated and the rich stay young and the poor simply die. Salas kidnaps a billionaire’s daughter and begins robbing time banks, and ala Robin Hood gives to those less fortunate, spreading the time. This movie succeeds solely on its engaging leads and fascinating premise. But the standard generic story and horrendous time based puns hurt the movie tremendously. 


Haywire (3 out of 5)

Steven Soderbergh tackles another genre (spy thriller) and masterfully directs the films action and its MMA superstar Gina Carano. Unfortunately everything else falls by the wayside, Carano as expected is not a very good actress and her obviously audio mixed voice is incredibly distracting. The plot is also needlessly convoluted, jumping from twist to turn without every explaining the bigger picture. But on to the good stuff, Soderbergh directs with such flair its mesmerizing; the action is easy to follow and gut wrenchingly brutal, not violent just gritty and realistic. Carano unsurprisingly kicks serious ass in her fight scenes and watching her slowly kick the shit out of each member of the cast is half the fun. The movie plays against expectations and is better for it; every time a fight breaks out or a chase commences you expect the camera to start whipping around with quick cuts to emphasize movement and intensity. Instead Soderbergh does the opposite keeping the camera steady in the car during a chase helping immerse the viewer or keeping the camera steady as two people fight for their lives. Haywire is a stylish spy thriller that buckles under too many mediocre elements.


This Means War (1 out of 5)

An empty soulless attempt at an action filled romantic-comedy. The in-demand duo of Chris Pine and Tom Hardy lead an ill-fated mission to win the heart of The Spoon, sometimes known by her obscure name, Reese Witherspoon. This movie fucking sucked, I mean I could go into a whole ordeal about how The Spoon is a sunken whore of a human being in this movie as she leads on two men, just to see what it would be like to be with two guys at once. I could also mention how none of the characters make logical choices nor do they appear to be actual human beings at all, instead they seem a lot more like mannequins put on display by movie studio executives to lure poor idiotic movie goers. Everyone involved can and have done much better, and were it not for what I hope was an incredible paycheck none of these fine actors would have ever been involved in such an airless movie. This Means War is what anyone with a semblance of intelligence will be screaming at the makers of this movie by the time the credits role. Steer clear of this predictable, lazy, ugly piece of garbage.