Resident Evil: Revelations Review

Resident Evil has been on handhelds before but Revelations is the first time the experience has been so successfully ported over, but to my dismay its just not an experience I want to have on a 3 inch screen. Revelations takes place between RE 4 and RE 5, but despite a story that involves a massive ocean-floating utopia and a satellite that shoots solar rays eviscerating anything in its path, the story is completely inconsequential.

Revelations resembles RE5 the most, in terms of controls and tone. You can't move while aiming and a lot of the button configurations are the lifted straight from RE5. Tonally the game is more action focused scaling down some of the bigger set-pieces from 4 and 5 to accommodate the handheld format. The action feels great, my only advice is to immediately switch to third-person view in the options simply because first-person feels janky and more cumbersome.  The game follows an episodic nature wherein you switch perspective of several duos of BSAA agents in different locations all the while unraveling the mysteries of the Queen Zenobia a luxury cruise liner that has become the homebase of a radical terrorist group known as Veltro as they threaten to expose the conspiracy surrounding Terragrigia the aforementioned floating paradise and its untimely destruction. The story jumps between Jill and her new vaguely European partner, Chris and his hyper-sexualized female partner, and a duo of bad SNL castoffs, one of which is named "Jackass" (I wish I was joking) who has the most grating voice I have ever heard.

If you couldn't tell by the description the plot is a mess and worse still is that its uninteresting and irrelevant as it is over and dealt with by the end of the roughly 8 hour campaign. The most impressive aspect of this game are the graphics, which are the best of any handheld to date (the PlayStation Vita is still not officially out at the time of this writing). The environments and character models are incredibly detailed, looking as good as their console brethren. You spend the vast majority of your time on the massive ship, thankfully its interiors are varied and detailed enough that it doesn't become monotonous or even confusing when you begin to backtrack. Yep there is a lot of backtracking in this game, going through the same areas again and again as you find ways to access doors you couldn't before, this time with twice as many enemies around, its a chore but at least the combat is fun.

Revelations is anything but, its a side-story that doesn't even warrant the convoluted plot it's given. The campaign is lengthy and filled with fun combat and cool puzzles. The backtracking gets tedious as does an overabundance of underwater traversing segments, which veteran videogame players know is always poorly executed. So while the story is boring the gameplay itself is fun and beautiful to behold, and a "Raid" mode akin to hoard or firefight modes in other games extends the lasting appeal with combat focused co-op (online or local) missions. But when it comes down to it, as great as this game can sometimes be I just don't want this type of experience on a handheld.

(3 out of 5)

Torchwood: Miracle Day Review

Torchwood is a television programs which like its lead character has found ways to escape death/cancellation time and time again, effectively being killed off but always miraculously coming back to life. Miracle Day is a ten part mini-series that explores an event that instantaneously causes the entire human race to become immortal. What would the world become if people couldn't die, religion is rebuked, science becomes irrelevant, and the world plunges into chaos. In comes Torchwood Institute a highly secretive group who investigate the unusual, the unexplained, and the extraterrestrial. Torchwood is lead by Jack Harkness as the man who cant die, but on the day the world becomes immortal he becomes mortal.

Torchwood has always been a daring program that brings up interesting questions and sparks debate. If people can't die is there such thing as murder, how long would the earth be able to provide its resources to a population that is increasing in massive amounts by the second, or what is stopping people from upholding their moral standards if they cant be punished for their actions. Unfortunately questions is all Miracle Day really excels at, that and great performances, noteworthy among them John Barrowman who plays the until recently undying man with over 1000 years of regret and loss. Barrowman is his usual charming rouge self who will just as soon shoot you as bed you. Barrowman embodies a man who has lived and loved and is not better for it. There is an episode in the second half of the season that consists entirely of him being taken to his death all the while remembering a past love of his life, a man he meet on Ellis Island in 1892 its wonderfully portrayed love story, while once again bringing up questions this time of homosexuality and religion.

Bill Pullman who hasn't been seen much lately gives an often unsettling but always fascinating performance of a convicted pedophile rapist and murderer, Oswald Danes, who "miraculously" survives his execution the day people stop dying. His pleas of forgiveness win him attention which he quickly takes advantage of to turn the nation into his faithful devotees. His philosophizing makes him a beacon in the media and the unseen hands of those who orchestrated Miracle Day shape him to ease the public into some of the more extreme actions that take place in a world coping with no death.

My biggest problem with Miracle Day is that it takes to long for anything of note to happen, the story is always moving forward there isn't any filler episodes per se but every episode does feel artificially lengthened whether that's with clumsy expository dialogue or inappropriate comedy. Once the story reaches its climax its disappointing as well, the big reveal as to how the world stopped dying, who did it and why, its all underwhelming. Maybe I was just expecting too much but it felt flat. The investigation, the missions and the journey to the end are the best parts and yet its still oftentimes stretched too far.

Miracle Day brings up fascinating ideas but never capitalizes on them. The characters are compelling and are the most fun to watch when they're working as a team and pulling off some elaborate plan, you care about each of them equally and hope they survive this ordeal. All in all Miracle Day is a great piece of science fiction television it just stumbles in its way to the conclusion and then gives out when it comes time to put an end to the story. Thought-provoking, compelling characters, daring television, all the pieces are there its just doesn't come together as well as I had hoped.

(3 out of 5)

Awake Pilot Review

Awake is a new show from NBC that chronicles the ever more delusional detective Michael Britten as he alternates between two alternate-realities both resulting from a late night car accident. In one reality his wife died in the other his son, and in both he must see a different psychiatrist and solve different crimes, though as the pilot unfolds the two realities appear to be linked as clues from one crimes reality lead to resolutions in the other. The performance from Jason Isaacs is what grounds the seemingly convoluted plot, there is a deep sadness in some scenes and a particularly chilling unraveling when Britten forgets which reality he is in that shows Isaacs is at the top of his game here.

Awake has the potential to be one of the very few good police procedurals out there, but it'll have to strike a better balance between the two realities. The pilot is jarring as the reality perspectives shifts often and even as the viewer you're left wondering which alternate universe you are in, maybe that is an intended effect but it was too much for me. There is a color-shift in the two realities too accentuate which world you are witnessing which is helpful but it could just take the show a while to master that transition. While I have no interest in a police procedural since there are hundreds to choose from and they are all identical. Awake peaks my interest purely on a conceptual level, and if they have bigger picture plans in store this could be a show to look out for.

For now I'm cautiously optimistic, like most pilots its an average episode of television but the concept of a man drifting between two planes of existence slowly losing gripes on which is real, if any, is incredibly compelling. I'll defiantly be tuning in when the shows airs March 1st, 2012.  My biggest hope is that they capitalize on the amazing concept and go even further, maybe introducing more cerebral concepts, cause if it boils down into another police procedural with a twist, even if it happens to be an interesting twist, I'm out.

(4 out of 5)

My Grammys Rant - Cause Why the Fuck Not

Reasons to Hate the Grammys 

# 1) Realizing everyone has completely gotten over the Chris "The Tenderizer" Brown woman beating fiasco. But even more disgustingly young women the world over are now "like totally into being beaten if it means being "beaten" by Chris Brown". A quick message to the millions of fathers: "you have failed and you have failed horribly".

Uz Crazy

The Fuck !?!

# 2) Realizing this up-and-coming generation is completely doomed. Now this is pretty vague and I could use this entry to point out the monotonous trash kids call music these days or just point to the above entry to reiterate. Instead I'll just let these series of tweets speak for me. It's not like I'm hoping for these people to know who Jules Verne is, it's Paul McCartney for crying out loud. But probably more importantly if you don't know the person take the 10 seconds to Google it instead of complaining, educate yourselves for f**k's sake.

The Reason (1) Why the Grammys aren't an Abomination

# 1) Amazing artists getting recognition. Last year Arcade Fire made the rounds as they took home Album of the Year, and everyone except those with good tastes asked, "Who the hell is Arcade Fire". I can only hope a handful of people took it upon themselves to find out and wound up discovering some great music and  promptly abandoned The Black Eyed Peas and Justin Bieber altogether. This year something very similar happened when Bon Iver won for Best New Artist and Best Alternative Music Album. If you have never heard of Bon Iver you are missing out on some of the greatest music on the planet. Please do yourself a favor have a listen and maybe just maybe I'll convert just one person to good music, that will be enough. 

#1 Extended) Skrillex gets his; winning Best Dance Recording, Best Electronic/ Dance Album and Best Remixed Recording. Now this particular artist is an acquired tastes I'll give you that. But what has become known as Dub-step has had a surprising surge of popularity. One of its identifying markers is its inclusion of what have become lovingly known as heavy drops; in where the music cuts out for a second and is followed by what some may call abrasive or even outright abusive beats. Give it a listen, because really why not, but be forewarned lower your volume and brace yourself.

Quick & Dirty Reviews

The Descendants (3 out of 5)

With his wife Elizabeth on life support after a boating accident, Hawaiian land owner Matt King (George Clooney) takes his daughters on a trip from Oahu to Kauai to confront the young real estate broker, who was having an affair with his wife before her accident. The Descendants is an odd film, it doesn't dwell on the sadness of the situation so much as the journey of acceptance the family must go through. But while characters reminisce and cry there is a surprisingly funny aspect of the film that follows King and his oldest daughter as they piece together the hidden life of the wife/mother they didn't quite know. The best part of the film is without a doubt the performances which are all layered in such a way that makes you think these characters may be disturbed on some level but instead are just some of the realest depiction of human emotion in a film. They all deal with their tragedy in ways that oftentimes leads to hilariously embarrassing but surreal situations. There is nothing new about the story itself, people coming to terms with the death of a loved one has been done before, but there is something really special about Clooney's performance in this film that feels tangible and realistic; as he is sometimes furious with his late wife's actions but also saddened at her current state. It's a restrained performance that nonetheless feels more authentic to the situation than typical movie melodrama. 


The Artist (4 out of 5)

The Artist aspires to both enlighten as well as praise the silent movie era. Director Michel Hazanavicius has an impeccable talent for loving recreation with such attention to detail as how the lighting is implemented and what film stock is used. Silent films are notoriously hard to get through, at least nowadays anyways, but the infectiously charming performs of Jean Dujardin as the once great star who has lost his way during the renaissance of the "talkies" is captivating. Dujardin has an expressiveness to his face that lends itself well to this type of film, his eyebrow raising alone brings along with it tons of laughs. But there is a dramatic and surprisingly dark story-arch- maybe to dark even- that shows off Dujardin's incredible dramatic range as well. But the real star of the show is not the charming lead, the perky and adorable young starlet, or even the films loving homage to the era, nope it's the highly talented puppy. This little energetic pup brings all the laughs and is even a pivotal friend to Dujardins character when he is ready to quite literal pull the trigger. Overall The Artist does an incredible job at recreating and even outdoing the great silent films of that era, it's a film any movie lover would greatly appreciate and it does it all while being charming, funny, and surprisingly touching.  

Quick & Dirty Reviews

Real Steel (3 out of 5) 

This film is a testament that shitty marketing and trailers can seriously undermine a good film. From a distance Real Steel looked like nothing more than rock'm-sock'm robots, it just seemed like the dumbest derivative idea for a movie. Well I'm going to have to eat my words, because damn did I like this movie. The Rocky comparisons are apt as an underdog "sparring bot" makes his way up the robot fighting ladder. But its not the cool robot fights or great robot designs that make this movie, its the relationship between Jackmans character and his wayward 11 year old son. Jackman can make anything compelling, its the reason the Wolverine spin-off did so well, at least that's what I keep telling myself cause I don't want to believe audiences are that dumb. He does it again here making a true asshole/sleazebag really compelling and though his eventual redemption can be seen a mile away its a great ride anyways. So while this movie is incredibly cliched and filled with stupid, its big, loud and incredibly crowd pleasing.

Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy (4 out of 5)
Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy is a cold war spy film set within the Circus, this films MI6 equivalent as the head operatives try to find out who is selling information to the Russians. A measured and exacting pace make this a difficult film to get through with a two hour run time that oftentimes feels like three. Don't get me wrong this isn't a boring film, on the contrary its a riveting mystery with deceit and betrayal motivating all players, but it is very methodically paced. Some of the best performances of the past year are on display here with Gary Oldman in particular giving a truly transformative turn as the ironically named Agent Smiley. There is a scene no longer than 4 seconds in length near the end of the film where Oldman clasps the banister of a stairwell a little to tightly after an eventful night and its an immensely saddening scene, and one in which not a single word is uttered. Its really the perfect example of this movies approach, a film in which things are left for the audience to interpret as they will and things are expressed with simple gestures and glances instead of contrived monologues. This movie respects its audiences intelligence and oftentimes asks them to come to their own conclusions. Its a slow burn but the engaging performances and cold war spy intrigue elevate this to one of the best film of the past year.

Warrior (4 out of 5)

I've said it before "I buy into movies", and this film about two brothers fighting in an MMA tournament was a film that had me tearing up in the big final fight. Warrior is an absolutely thrilling sports film, with hard-hitting action and strong performances all around. Nick Nolte had me in pieces as an ambiguously bad father who continously takes the verbal abuse of his two sons while trying to atone for past sins. Tom Hardy gives a rage filled and emotionally baggaged performance that unfortunately has more nuance than the film ultimately had time for. I cannot stress enough how much I became invested in this movie, I was really striken by this film, I was enthralled by the fights which had me clenching my fists nearly as hard as the fighters must have been. It unfortunately leans heavily on the typical cliches of the genre, but damn if it isn't one hell of a rousing film. By the time the two leads make it to the final round of the tournament, I was invested in both of their plights and as the two estranged brothers wailed on each other while weeping and shouting I'm sorry I just couldn't keep myself together. 

Portlandia Season 1 Review

Portlandia is without a doubt the most divisive television show out there. You will either hate this show with a flaming passion or completely worship its dedication to breaking the mold to sometimes off-putting results. Portlandia aims to poke fun of, you may have guessed the city of Portland, Oregon and its often publicized wacky denizens. This is defiantly a show for the more internet savy, not for any particular technological reason but because of the ever growing hate and ridicule for the very people this show chooses to mock the hipsters, tree huggers, indie darlings, striped sweater and horned rimed glasses wearing folk who have quickly become the target of much disdain.

Portlandia is hit'n'miss emphasis on the miss, with creative talent from the current minds of SNL its really no surprise. And while I nearly cried laughing several times, I also took long breaks from watching particularly comfortably unfunny skits.  The show which I probably should have mentioned by now is a sketch comedy show, so between Fred Armisen and Carrie Brownstein the stars of the show they play about 10 characters each. Ranging from two lesbian bookstore owners too a couple who find themselves helping the mayor played brilliantly by Kyle Maclachlan  with his every whim. There are some bad skits that go on for excruciatingly stupid amounts of time, resulting in either enraged wonder or giggling disbelief on your part, it really varies on your tastes.

Portlandia is a show that's easy to test the waters with, each episode is less than 25 min and you can tell within a fraction of that if your going to enjoy the show. Its often unfunny even uncomfortably awkward but when it hits, it strikes gold, with hilariously insulting and subversive jokes that will have you wondering if this often times impossibly ludicrous city of Portland really exists as it does on this show. I really need to stress that Portlandia will be incredibly off-putting to many but to some it will be the greatest comedy on television; its smart, it defies conventions and points and laugh even when not appropriate. Give the show a chance it wont hurt, it actually might, but you cant be sure unless you try; I for one can't get enough and I'm very excited for the next season.

(3 out of 5)