Quick and Dirty Reviews

In this new feature I will try to review an inordinate amount of movies as quickly as possible while still at least semi justifying the movies star rating. This is more an experiment than anything else, but also I've seen about 4 movies everyday for the past few days and I might as well induct them into the archives.

Green Zone  (1 out of 5)

A political thriller that lacks creativity, and pushes its political beliefs way to hard on the viewer. There is no questioning which  political party these film makers belong too and whether you agree or not, its distracting. Its like being hammered over the head, yes thank you I get it, the government is evil and corrupt and lied to us about the WMD's (weapons of mass destruction). That coupled with a predictable and frustratingly tedious  plot with performances that rival the riveting nature of a spoiling milk carton makes this a dull underachieving political message.

The Men who Stare at Goats (2 out of 5)

A dark comedy very much in the vain of the classic Coen Brothers ilk. Its surprisingly unfunny given the subject matter of peace warriors trained by the US government to fight through psychokinesis and by developing superpowers. The government called these soldiers Jedi's (ha-ha-ha, get it). George Clooney plays a Jedi Master on a mission in Iraq with a journalist played by Ewan McGregor (cause he was Obi-Wan, oh man hilarious). Its a mess of a movie that tries to hard and misses painfully especially given the caliber of the cast that also includes Jeff Bridges and Kevin Spacey. Its pretty fun trying to figure out if these soldiers really do have powers or if their just delusional and its just by happenstance that they keep surviving increasingly over the top situations. The ending is abrupt and mind boggling, but the overall message is sort of sweet even if its lost amongst the antics.

Crazy, Stupid, Love (4 out of 5)

In Crazy, Stupid, Love Steve Carrel plays well, Steve Carrel who is getting a divorce from his wife played by Julianne Moore. In an act of defiance he goes sulking in a bar and ends up meeting a charming ladies man played by Ryan Gosling who gives him a makeover and teaches him the ways of the ladies man. The movie is consistently funny throughout with touching performances by everyone in the cast, add to that the witty fast dialogue and you have one of the best comedy's of the year.  There are some truly great performances throughout even though most of the actors play the roles they always play, especially Steve Carrel and Emma Stone. On the bad side, there are one too many plots playing out concurrently, which predictably all tie together albeit messily when they finally come to a head towards the end. The end is also a big sticking point which could not have been more Hollywood cliched, but in the end its a cute story about the joy of love and its unfortunate casualties that kept me laughing.

Friends with Benefits (3 out of 5)

The other casual sex movie of the year, and to clarify, this is the one to see and not that Ashton Kutcher garbage. Starring Justin Timberlake and Mila Kunis two friends who deiced to get the complications out of the way and instead opt to have strictly platonic yet adventurous (but no anal) sex together.  Its way to predictable and cliched but its endearing stars and vast and memorable side characters make it a lot of fun, lets just say you've never seen Shaun White quite like this. Though you may be able to guess the entire plot of the movie beat for beat having just read this small paragraph its still a funny and hard R rated comedy that includes a scene where Justin Timberlake (who is quickly becoming a great actor) sings a pop-rock song into Mila Kunis vagina.

Dylan Dog: Dead of Night (1 out of 5)

A supernatural noir film starring the ever wooden acting of Brandon Routh. Dylan Dog is a private investigator who has an in, within the ever growing community of vampires, werewolves, zombies, demons, and other quintessential spooky horror monsters in New Orleans. When a man is murdered Dog (not the bounty hunter) learns of a vast conspiracy to re-awaken a big bad monster. Routh sucks dick, he mutters every line in a uninterested monotone and sucks any sense of fun in what could have been at least a campy B movie. The monster effects look like they were bought in Party City, after Halloween was over and they were forced to stitch together all the clearance sale costumes. A terrible script with terrible dialogue rounds out the list of offenses, someone actually says this, seriously ... "I thought I left my past behind... but sometimes the past catches up with you and punches you square into the present" UGH, nuff said. (in the interest of full disclosure I have fucking hated Routh every since he almost single-handedly ruined Season 3 of Chuck)