Catherine Review

Completely in-spite of itself, Catherine manages to convey a strong commentary on relationships, sex, and many other adult themes most games would never even attempt to address. While Catherine has one of the worst game-play mechanics I've ever had the displeasure of having to play it still managed to engage me and question my opinions on many of its thought provoking inquisitions. Have you ever wondered "what is more important to you, to love or be loved" or how you would react if the woman/ man of your dreams entered your life while you were in a relationship with somebody else. Catherine centers itself around Vincent a sort of man-child, Vincent is content with his life the way it is but his girlfriend Katherine who comes off as condescending but well meaning wants to advance their relationship, hinting at marriage and children. One night while out drinking with his friends Vincent wakes up with another woman in his bed, sending him spiraling out of control into a sheep infested nightmare world.

Vincent and by association the player, spend the next few in-game days contemplating his every move. Do you seek out the free spirited and fun loving Catherine, or stay committed and face adulthood with Katherine. The game does a wonderful job with its story, you spend your time entirely in a bar and in Vincent's nightmares. The game is filled with beautifully animated cutscenes as well as a stunning graphical style that mirrors the art style of the anime scenes. Walking around, talking to the bar patrons and having casual conversations all the while checking your phone and interacting with Catherine and Katherine, its all incredibly immersive.

Unfortunately Catherine's biggest failure is its main gameplay mechanic, since the actual "game" part of the experience is nothing more than a block puzzler. Reminiscent of something like Q*bert, you move blocks around to climb up a tower. As you progress new blocks are introduced along with their specific obstacle, ice blocks are slippery and bomb blocks can be triggered to cause explosions changing the layout of the block tower. Put simply it's just not fun, moreover you're forced to do it constantly, and as you reach the games climax the block towers get aggressively harder and I became maddeningly frustrated. It was not an enjoyable experience and I grew to resent that part of the game and its unfortunately a rather large part of the experience.

Catherine deserves credit for at least approaching and even exploring, if a bit shallowly, adult themes that most games who consider themselves aimed at adults would never touch on. Its really unfortunate that the gameplay is so awful because everything else is so unique and inspired. Which bring me back to my opening statement; Despite itself Catherine manages to evoke real moral complications that encourage you to question your deepest most personal thoughts. If you give yourself over to it's incredibly wacky hi-jinks and Japaneses sensibilities Catherine could engage you unlike any other game out there. If you can bare through what I honestly believe to be some of the worst mandatory gameplay every conceived in a modern videogame, Catherine has a lot of meaningful things to say, and just like Vincent you just have to listen.

(4 out of 5)

Quick and Dirty Reviews

30 Minutes or Less (2 out of 5)

Jesse Eisenberg plays a pizza delivery boy who is knocked unconscious by two men in gorilla masks, when he awakens he has a bomb strapped to his chest and is being given 9 hrs to rob a bank for $100,000. 30 Minutes or Less could be describing its own running-time which is an incredibly brisk 83 minutes, clearly overly edited and worse off for it. While in essence a comedy the movie is only at best, smirk inducing, you might catch yourself smiling and nodding to a joke but never outright laughing. Its a shame because 30 Minutes or Less has a great cast with some legitimately funny moments that always end with some crude joke or nut-shot (punch to the groin). Aziz Ansari plays Eisenberg's friend and is easily the best part of the movie, garnering the best gags and clearly off-the-cuff dialogue. All told 30 Minutes or Less is a great premise that buckles under juvenile humors and an unnecessary side-plot including the two kidnappers starting a tanning saloon as a front for a prostitution ring. 

Killer Elite (2 out of 5)

Killer Elite is the very definition of rudimentary, its a watered down retread of just about every thriller ever conceived. They pulled out all the tropes for this one, ranging from "I was out and they pulled me back in" to secret organization with a huge cover-up, there is even a pretty girlfriend to add stakes. Robert DeNiro is cashing in his paycheck in this film there isn't a scene where he doesn't look bore; he adds nothing to the movie other than a big name. Statham is as Statham-y as ever with no acting chops but a hell of a roundhouse kick. Clive Owen seems to be the only one who gives a damn and he manages to give off some real menace in a few scenes but he is relegated to bad guy with cloudy motivations pretty quickly. There are some pretty great fights between Statham and Owen that thankfully are shot without shaky-cam giving the action better impact but in the end this is a movie that has been done much better before.

Twilight Saga:Breaking Dawn Part 1(1 out of 5)

Here we are with the fourth and penultimate Twilight film (we are almost done folks). Breaking Dawn takes abysmal failure to all new lows, with groan inducing dialogue, stilted performances and a need to prolong absolutely every shot to justify its two-part structure. Every scene in this movie is bad, they're pretty with great sets and locations, beautiful lighting and even decent special effects; but the sets are nothing I couldn't appreaciate in a home furnishing magazine same goes for the locations but for a travel magazine. This is a movie so content with just looking pretty and nothing else. I mean why not? They already have an enormous audience that will see this movie no matter what, so why should they even put in the effort. The long awaited sex scene between Bella and her glistening vampire boyfriend, now husband Edward is about as sexually thrilling as a Barbie and Ken doll being smashed together repeatedly. The most shocking and disturbing part of this movie is not the half vampire/ half human hybrid that Bella becomes impregnated with which then has to be forcibly removed via vampire teeth C-section; NO its that for 1 hour and 15 minutes nothing of plot relevance happens, NOTHING. It's all longing stares and repressed emotional intelligence. I will end this review with a line from the movie, a line that when uttered will most likely convince you to slit your wrists and accept that humanity is doomed. So here goes, verbatim "If only I could see the fetus *pause for dramatic effect* I could figure out what it wants", that's it folks goodnight, my work is done.

The Muppets (2011) Review

It's time to start the music, it's time to light the lights, it's time to meet the Muppets. The Muppets are BACK, and it's about damn time too. So many movies geared towards children take advantage of that fact and dole out nothing but pretty colors and funny faces, besides Pixar (with the exception of the Cars franchise) no one else seems to respect their child audience. But the Muppets are here to fix that with a movie that caters more to those of us who grew up watching the Muppet Show and movies while still keeping its core age group in mind. The Muppets is filled with hilarious gags, catchy musical numbers, and a heart felt story that will affect anyone with even the faintest child at heart. If you don't have a big goofy grin plastered across your face throughout the movies run-time you are dead inside.

The Muppets centers around Gary (Jason Segel) and his adopted brother Walter who himself happens to be a Muppet who has grown up in a human world. Together along with Gary's long time girlfriend  Mary (Amy Adams) must get the Muppets back together to raise $10 million to save The Muppets Studio from an oil tycoon by the appropriately villainous name of Tex Richman (Chris Cooper) who wants the oil underneath the now rundown back-lot. If it seems a generic story as any, that cause it is, but the movie is less concerned about a riveting plot then with dishing out non-stop gags that'll leave you in stitches. Moreover this is a film that isn't just pointless gags, it has meaningful things to say, mainly to the younger kids about family, friendship, loyalty, and countless other Saturday morning special messages.

The movie is filled with really inventive and hilarious gags, including tons of self-referential and self-deprecating jokes. Acknowledging elaborate musical numbers and montages as well as movie cliches and visual jokes like traveling by map. Some of the jokes are strictly for an older audience including an 80's robot chauffeur that I thought had the best jokes in the movie. There are also a ton of callbacks to the Muppets previous adventures that a younger audience just wouldn't understand since the last Muppet production was 12 years ago. The movie also breaks the fourth wall, a lot, going as far as addressing the audience directly which may be off-putting to some viewers, but its all in the incredibly good nature of the film.

The music in the film is incredibly fun and foot-tappingly catchy, with a great mix of modern popular music including a completely chicken sung rendition of Cee-Lo's "Fuck You" done entirely in clucks. The Muppet centric music ranges from classics like the Oscar nominated "Rainbow Connection" and new songs that will no doubt become instant classics "Man or Muppet". All the music is fantastic but a quick rap song by the villainous oil magnate played by Chris Cooper is a real standout as its the perfect over-the-top performance the movie thrives on. Stay during the credits for the catchiest song of the bunch, as well as quick re-caps of all the celebrity cameos singing "ManaMana".

The actors in the movie are 100% dedicated to the insane notion of Muppets, and whenever Jason Segel character has a meaningful conversation with his Muppet brother its not weird. The audience buys into it because the actors do. Chris Cooper really shines as a completely over-the-top villain who instead of actually conjuring up an evil laugh, just turns to his associates and plainly says "Maniacal Laugh" repeatedly, its a great joke that in any other movie would have been eye-roll inducing. Amy Adams may be the weakest link but only cause her casting choice is too obvious and when she has her big sing and dance number its predictable. The film like all Muppet related media is filled to the brim with celebrity cameos. Jack Black has a great role in the film giving a legitimately funny performance,  which is a miracle for him, only proving the power of the Muppets.

I cannot stress enough how great The Muppets is, it's unfaltering in its whimsy, so sweet and good natured making that it's disarming. Any reservations you might have had going into the movie fly out the window almost immediately. I refuse to believe somebody would go see this movie and not completely fall in love with the characters the tone or even muster the will to not tap along to the amazing songs. This movie is mandatory to anyone who still has the ability to feel some sense of joy and wonder. The Muppets is the best children's film of the year even if it skews some of its jokes a bit older, its a film that possesses a kind of sweetness and joy that can touch even the most cynical of hearts.

(5 out of 5)

Cowboys and Aliens Review

Cowboys and Aliens is the most faithfully advertised product, ever. Everything you need to know about it, as well your relative interest in it is right there in the title. If the name of the movie alone makes you skeptical then you might as well leave it at that, there are  absolutely no surprises in this film, and as far as I’m concerned there is nothing wrong with that. Cowboys and Aliens is a terrific good time and if you’re willing to look past the initial conceit this is as fun and brisk an action-adventure film as you can get.

Daniel Craig plays an amnesiac who awakes in the desert and proceeds to slowly piece together his memory while coming face to face with the invading extra-terrestrials. Craig is as stoic as ever, but he is at least convincing and believable in the part, making him a great hero to follow as he leads a band of misfits to defend their homes. Harrison Ford has a great part as an old Colonel with a shady business and a wild card son who seemingly owns the small town. Ford is brilliant in the film, giving his best performance in what seems like over a decade, he really commits to the role (something of a rarity for him) giving an emotionally filled performance that will undoubtedly be looked back on as the last great Harrison Ford character.

What truly caught me by surprise was how serious the movies tone is, especially given the concept. This is as gritty and dark a western as your likely to find, it just so happens to be set during an alien invasion. Though the setup may seem ridiculous and even goofy, this movie is no joke. Balancing scenes of a good old fashion Saloon  brawl with a lengthy Indian ritual that causes Craig's character to go on a hummingbird guided spirit journey. It’s astonishing how much this movie wants you to swallow, and as the plot gets more and more outlandish it doesn’t bat an eyelash. Your enjoyment of Cowboys and Aliens depends solely on your ability to immerse yourself in its world, if you can’t buy into the notion that aliens would invade the old west while abducting seemingly random people, then this movie will never win you over.  I on the other hand, buy into movies 100%, I want to believe in the exciting adventure no matter how “out-there” it may seem. I become engaged and suffice to say when Harrison Ford’s character has his defining moment, I welled up.

Jon Favreau directs the film hot off the wildly successful Iron Man franchise and he proves to be a perfect fit. Favreau can direct the heck out of an action movie, setting up some great highly memorable set-pieces that excite as much as frighten. He does an admirable job balancing the old western side of the story with the sci-fi elements to provide a surprisingly fun and refreshing cocktail. Not to say Cowboys and Aliens does anything exceptionally groundbreaking but it does defy expectations. Favreau is also well known for bringing out interesting performances out of his actors, which he does again here with Ford who really digs deep giving an interesting portrayal of a lawless man with a terrifying past but good intentioned. Even Favreau stalwart Sam Rockwell gives an endearing if brief performance. 

Cowboys and Aliens is a polarizing movie; its an outlandish concept but it’s dead serious in its exposition. It’s a fun adventure film filled with laughs, death defying action, engaging performances and a few fun twists along the way. My only major complaint comes from the alien design, which looks uninspired and even slightly ripped from other more famous aliens. Cowboys and Aliens offers little surprises since its entire premise is right there in the title and there is little else on offer even still its a great and rousing film, that had me smiling and generally thrilled throughout.

(4 out of 5)

Conan the Barbarian (2011) Review

Conan the Barbarian is a remake of the Arnold Schwarzenegger starring 1982 classic of the same name. While the Schwarzenegger original is fondly remembered for all the wrong reasons, its cheesy dialogue and manliest man on planet man mentality, its become a cult classic of sorts. Remaking the movie doesn't seem like a bad idea, maybe providing a more faithful adaption of the  Robert E. Howard stories with today's advances in movie making Conan could be a thrilling sword and sorcery adventure, the likes of which are few and far between in recent years. Unfortunately this movie is piss poor in all department, making it a less than feeble attempt at recreating the fantasy and brilliantly violent world of Hyboria.

Conan is played by newcomer Jason Momoa known to many from the wildly popular HBO show Game of Thrones were he played a very similar role as Khal Drogo. While Momoa was great on Game of Thrones in retrospect it was most likely since he had little to do but stand there and act brooding. In Conan he gives a laughable performance as he spews one-liners that come off as bad insults an 8 year old would yell. The bad dialogue isn't limited to quips, the entire film has horrendous writing its all dumb and  single syllabic. While bad dialogue can be attributed to the script, the less then thrilling performances lays solely on the actors, all of whom give disinterested and sometimes shockingly bad performances, nobody seems to be giving much of an effort.



The movie also has a generally cheap look, giving me flashbacks to a bad SyFy channel original movie. The effects look terrible sometimes looking worse than a bad video game and the artificial blood while in abundance looks cartoonish and out of place. The movie is intermittently stylish but it all boils down into a formulaic mess quickly thereafter. One set-piece stands out as fun and interesting as sand warriors who disappear into the ground and pop up behind Conan get into an elaborate and mostly well choreographed fight, creating a fun and visually interesting brawl.

Overall Conan the Barbarian is as simple minded as its titular character. More interested in formulaic action scenes filled with buckets of blood. But one-note characters, mind numbingly stupid dialogue and a completely incomprehensible plot makes this movie a dull and predictable affair I wouldn't recommend to even the simplest minded folk.

(1 out of 5)

I Saw the Devil Review

Let me start this review by saying if you are squeamish or simply don't like dark and twisted tales that relish in their violence turn away NOW. This movie is savage in its depiction of revenge, a genre of film that has become fun and exciting in American cinema with the likes of Taken and Death Wish. If you can't stomach a movie filled with long and extended scenes of extremely graphic violence and sadistic behavior then stop reading, ignore the review and walk away, you will be better off in the long run. I Saw the Devil is without a doubt the most twisted and gleefully sadistic revenge film your ever likely to see. A movie that delves deep into the concept of revenge and obsession; a film that doesn't shy away from its harsh reality and its soul crushing consequences. 

I Saw the Devil is one of many recent Korean films that have really begun to challenge the Hollywood movie making machine. Offering up unique and inspired films that are only just beginning to become strong alternatives to the increasingly shallow and passionless movies coming out of Hollywood these days. Directed by Kim Ji-woon, I Saw the Devil begins traditionally enough, though slightly more violent; a killer kidnaps, tortures, rapes and then murders a young woman whose car breaks down. Like most revenge films, the husband of said victim turns out to be a highly proficient and confident special government agent and with the news of his wife's' murder he sets out to track down and seek revenge on the man that killed her.

Interestingly this plot actually resolves itself about 45 minutes into the film. What follows is a series of increasingly bat-shit insane cat-and-mouse sequences with our protagonist, played emotionally subtle and viscerally violent by Lee Byung-hun, prolonging his revenge on the man that killed his wife. I Saw the Devil does a masterful job of keeping up its intoxicating pace, not one of breakneck speed, but of dishing out revenge with no end in sight. The director Kim gives the audience what it wants, painful justice to the killer but then brilliantly Kim serves this dish again and again. Eventually these two men have done so many horrible things to each other and have become obsessed with trying to "win" and wreak revenge that you start to see the horrors of this path. Its genius really; most audiences want to see the serial killer get whats coming, instead they get that and then some, until the viewers are begging for the film to stop.

If you can stomach the violence, which is never glorified just harsh and unrelenting. This is a masterfully crafted film with a haunting score and engaging and transformative performances by its two leads. This is a film by a man who clearly loves his craft its audience subversive and yet totally appealing. I Saw the Devil is an inspired take on your typical revenge film that will leave a lasting impression, a horrifying one, but a strong impression nonetheless.

(5 out of 5)