Cowboys and Aliens Review

Cowboys and Aliens is the most faithfully advertised product, ever. Everything you need to know about it, as well your relative interest in it is right there in the title. If the name of the movie alone makes you skeptical then you might as well leave it at that, there are  absolutely no surprises in this film, and as far as I’m concerned there is nothing wrong with that. Cowboys and Aliens is a terrific good time and if you’re willing to look past the initial conceit this is as fun and brisk an action-adventure film as you can get.

Daniel Craig plays an amnesiac who awakes in the desert and proceeds to slowly piece together his memory while coming face to face with the invading extra-terrestrials. Craig is as stoic as ever, but he is at least convincing and believable in the part, making him a great hero to follow as he leads a band of misfits to defend their homes. Harrison Ford has a great part as an old Colonel with a shady business and a wild card son who seemingly owns the small town. Ford is brilliant in the film, giving his best performance in what seems like over a decade, he really commits to the role (something of a rarity for him) giving an emotionally filled performance that will undoubtedly be looked back on as the last great Harrison Ford character.

What truly caught me by surprise was how serious the movies tone is, especially given the concept. This is as gritty and dark a western as your likely to find, it just so happens to be set during an alien invasion. Though the setup may seem ridiculous and even goofy, this movie is no joke. Balancing scenes of a good old fashion Saloon  brawl with a lengthy Indian ritual that causes Craig's character to go on a hummingbird guided spirit journey. It’s astonishing how much this movie wants you to swallow, and as the plot gets more and more outlandish it doesn’t bat an eyelash. Your enjoyment of Cowboys and Aliens depends solely on your ability to immerse yourself in its world, if you can’t buy into the notion that aliens would invade the old west while abducting seemingly random people, then this movie will never win you over.  I on the other hand, buy into movies 100%, I want to believe in the exciting adventure no matter how “out-there” it may seem. I become engaged and suffice to say when Harrison Ford’s character has his defining moment, I welled up.

Jon Favreau directs the film hot off the wildly successful Iron Man franchise and he proves to be a perfect fit. Favreau can direct the heck out of an action movie, setting up some great highly memorable set-pieces that excite as much as frighten. He does an admirable job balancing the old western side of the story with the sci-fi elements to provide a surprisingly fun and refreshing cocktail. Not to say Cowboys and Aliens does anything exceptionally groundbreaking but it does defy expectations. Favreau is also well known for bringing out interesting performances out of his actors, which he does again here with Ford who really digs deep giving an interesting portrayal of a lawless man with a terrifying past but good intentioned. Even Favreau stalwart Sam Rockwell gives an endearing if brief performance. 

Cowboys and Aliens is a polarizing movie; its an outlandish concept but it’s dead serious in its exposition. It’s a fun adventure film filled with laughs, death defying action, engaging performances and a few fun twists along the way. My only major complaint comes from the alien design, which looks uninspired and even slightly ripped from other more famous aliens. Cowboys and Aliens offers little surprises since its entire premise is right there in the title and there is little else on offer even still its a great and rousing film, that had me smiling and generally thrilled throughout.

(4 out of 5)

Conan the Barbarian (2011) Review

Conan the Barbarian is a remake of the Arnold Schwarzenegger starring 1982 classic of the same name. While the Schwarzenegger original is fondly remembered for all the wrong reasons, its cheesy dialogue and manliest man on planet man mentality, its become a cult classic of sorts. Remaking the movie doesn't seem like a bad idea, maybe providing a more faithful adaption of the  Robert E. Howard stories with today's advances in movie making Conan could be a thrilling sword and sorcery adventure, the likes of which are few and far between in recent years. Unfortunately this movie is piss poor in all department, making it a less than feeble attempt at recreating the fantasy and brilliantly violent world of Hyboria.

Conan is played by newcomer Jason Momoa known to many from the wildly popular HBO show Game of Thrones were he played a very similar role as Khal Drogo. While Momoa was great on Game of Thrones in retrospect it was most likely since he had little to do but stand there and act brooding. In Conan he gives a laughable performance as he spews one-liners that come off as bad insults an 8 year old would yell. The bad dialogue isn't limited to quips, the entire film has horrendous writing its all dumb and  single syllabic. While bad dialogue can be attributed to the script, the less then thrilling performances lays solely on the actors, all of whom give disinterested and sometimes shockingly bad performances, nobody seems to be giving much of an effort.



The movie also has a generally cheap look, giving me flashbacks to a bad SyFy channel original movie. The effects look terrible sometimes looking worse than a bad video game and the artificial blood while in abundance looks cartoonish and out of place. The movie is intermittently stylish but it all boils down into a formulaic mess quickly thereafter. One set-piece stands out as fun and interesting as sand warriors who disappear into the ground and pop up behind Conan get into an elaborate and mostly well choreographed fight, creating a fun and visually interesting brawl.

Overall Conan the Barbarian is as simple minded as its titular character. More interested in formulaic action scenes filled with buckets of blood. But one-note characters, mind numbingly stupid dialogue and a completely incomprehensible plot makes this movie a dull and predictable affair I wouldn't recommend to even the simplest minded folk.

(1 out of 5)

I Saw the Devil Review

Let me start this review by saying if you are squeamish or simply don't like dark and twisted tales that relish in their violence turn away NOW. This movie is savage in its depiction of revenge, a genre of film that has become fun and exciting in American cinema with the likes of Taken and Death Wish. If you can't stomach a movie filled with long and extended scenes of extremely graphic violence and sadistic behavior then stop reading, ignore the review and walk away, you will be better off in the long run. I Saw the Devil is without a doubt the most twisted and gleefully sadistic revenge film your ever likely to see. A movie that delves deep into the concept of revenge and obsession; a film that doesn't shy away from its harsh reality and its soul crushing consequences. 

I Saw the Devil is one of many recent Korean films that have really begun to challenge the Hollywood movie making machine. Offering up unique and inspired films that are only just beginning to become strong alternatives to the increasingly shallow and passionless movies coming out of Hollywood these days. Directed by Kim Ji-woon, I Saw the Devil begins traditionally enough, though slightly more violent; a killer kidnaps, tortures, rapes and then murders a young woman whose car breaks down. Like most revenge films, the husband of said victim turns out to be a highly proficient and confident special government agent and with the news of his wife's' murder he sets out to track down and seek revenge on the man that killed her.

Interestingly this plot actually resolves itself about 45 minutes into the film. What follows is a series of increasingly bat-shit insane cat-and-mouse sequences with our protagonist, played emotionally subtle and viscerally violent by Lee Byung-hun, prolonging his revenge on the man that killed his wife. I Saw the Devil does a masterful job of keeping up its intoxicating pace, not one of breakneck speed, but of dishing out revenge with no end in sight. The director Kim gives the audience what it wants, painful justice to the killer but then brilliantly Kim serves this dish again and again. Eventually these two men have done so many horrible things to each other and have become obsessed with trying to "win" and wreak revenge that you start to see the horrors of this path. Its genius really; most audiences want to see the serial killer get whats coming, instead they get that and then some, until the viewers are begging for the film to stop.

If you can stomach the violence, which is never glorified just harsh and unrelenting. This is a masterfully crafted film with a haunting score and engaging and transformative performances by its two leads. This is a film by a man who clearly loves his craft its audience subversive and yet totally appealing. I Saw the Devil is an inspired take on your typical revenge film that will leave a lasting impression, a horrifying one, but a strong impression nonetheless.

(5 out of 5)

Insidious Review

Insidious gives a good strong effort, but buckles in the last act with an ill attempt at explaining the supernatural goings-on. Directed by James Wan of Saw and Paranormal Activity fame, Insidious attempts to break the mold so many horror movies find themselves falling into, but instead trips up and merely delivers a few fantastic jump scares and a eerie atmosphere that never really settles on either side of the fence of truly horrifying or campy fun.

As previously noted, Insidious tries to mix up familiar horror tropes by giving us a haunting situation that isn't limited to any house, so when the increasingly terrorized family ups and moves, the evil just follows them. Its a great and dubiously simple twist, but the inescapable nature of the threat really adds to the tension. The scares come fairly obviously with long single takes that can only end in a loud piano strike, or a simple mundane activity that urges you to clench your fist awaiting the inevitable creepy music or maniacal whispering. Its all a bit rote but nevertheless when it goes for a scare it succeeds.

The last 45 minutes or so are what bring this movie to a screeching halt. Someone during the production of this film thought it was a good idea that they explain why our heroes are experiencing hallucinations and why their oldest son has fallen into an endless sleep. The family hires a team of what amount to ghost hunters, and after a quick inspection find that their son has been lost to the "Further" a dimension where tortured souls lay in wait; to get their son back the father-played by Patrick Wilson-needs to traverse into this dimension and fight off the demons and ghosts to save his son. The last act seems like it must have been written by somebody else since it doesn't meld with the tone and suspense of the rest of the movie. It doesn't help that the films measly million dollar budget doesn't allow for better effects, and so our journey through the "Further" is nothing more than the same locations you have seen up to that point in the film spruced up with the help of a fog machine.

Insidious could have been a film that buried under your skin and swam around in the back of your head, subconsciously eating at your dreams for weeks to come, but the disjointed final act and an ill conceived notion to explain away the mysteries softens its impact. Insidious does provide some great scares and a chillingly tone, but it unfortunately only serves as a hard reminder that Hollywood even when approaching something with the best intentions, always seems to trip up in the delivery.

(3 out of 5)

Chuck (S5 E1) Versus the Zoom Review

Chuck is back for its 5th and final season, and unlike most shows this far into their lifespan, Chuck has reinvigorated itself and hopes to go out on a high note. A feat which seemed increasingly impossible every year that went by.Chuck infamous for being perpetually "On the Bubble" was miraculously renewed by the skin of its teeth last year. As an immense fan of this show, I am extremely excited to have Chuck back for one last round. This is a show unlike anything on TV a show that progresses its characters and plots forward in believable and engaging ways, its a show that unfortunately gets short changed year after year, but Chuck is getting one last Hurrah and I couldn't be happier.

Season 5 begins a few months after recovering from the myriad of cliffhangers the show ended on last year. With the Intersect out of Chucks head and inside Morgans'. Team Bartowski has separated themselves from the CIA and started up their own freelance spy business, and with the final realization that everything in Chuck's life has been seemingly orchestrated by some of the most powerful people in the world, Chuck Season 5 has a lot to cover in its 13 episode final season. The Zoom starts with a cold open, Chuck and Sarah have been captured by a slimy euro-trash aristocrat played gleefully by Mark Hamill (Luke Skywalker) and Morgan is their last resort to get out of this alive. Which brings me to my first worry, Morgan is a character who even in small doses can be very overwhelming, his attitude is a fun foil to Chuck but a Morgan who thinks he is bad-ass risks becoming obnoxious very quickly. Thankfully Morgan is toned down, even if our favorite spy team is relying on him to complete missions, he is still incompetently endearing.

While this episode was a great season opener including all the thing that continue to make this show great, witty comedy, insanely hot outfits for Yvonne Strahovski (Sarah) to wear and a sincerity often lost in most modern television shows. The episode lacks any real forward progress, understandable since they have to introduce a whole new dynamic for the show but the only hint to the future was an ominous speech at the end of the episode from Clyde Decker a CIA agent out for revenge. The spy mission in this episode quickly becomes generic and an accuse to do some light spying while we see Chuck dealing with not having the Intersect and feeling more and more like the third wheel. As well as Morgan and his shenanigans having the time of his life as the Intersect. And how can we forget the furthering adventures of Chuck and Sarah's relationship. Sarah and Chuck married is a lot like Sarah and Chuck engaged which was a lot like Chuck and Sarah dating, its all a series of adorable and sweet romantic scenes spruced up with sex and laughs, its all a bit familiar,but damn me if it isn't satisfying to see a couple with such great chemistry on TV actually getting and staying together.

Chuck Versus the Zoom was a welcome return from a fantastic show if a bit unnecessary and redundant, its the groundwork for whats to come, and so gave us just a taste of the new and invaluable Morgan; a Chuck who needs to balance a profiting business, keeping his smoking hot wife happy, and coping with the fact that he no longer has the Intersect. Chuck is a show that for reasons that I cannot fathom speaks to me, a show that makes me smile from beginning to end, and a show I have become so invested in I am sad to see it go. I will save my tears for when the show is officially over, but till then I intend to enjoy every last second.

(3 out of 5)

Duke Nukem Forever Review

I don't know what I was expecting after 15 years, one of the, if not the longest development cycle for a game in all of videogame history. Having been developed on every conceivable console since its announcement in 1996, there was no way the story of Duke Nukem was going to end well. Here we are almost 2 decades and 3 active developers later and Duke Nukem Forever has finally been released, and frankly they should have left it dead and buried. Unfortunately Gearbox felt the need to save Duke from his endless development hell after the closure of  Duke Nukem creators 3D Realms. And thus we are given a game that would have more appropriately been released around 1996, which makes sense, given that was when the games bullshit macho posturing was relevant.

Duke Nukem is a one of the worst games ever released and its only accomplishment, though in retrospect is kind of a big one, is its release. What we are given after 15 years of waiting is a half-assed first person shooter with all the markings of what qualified as a terrible game back when it was announced. Duke's shooting mechanics are shoddy at best, and are almost never accurate, the game tries to vary up its mechanics by introducing driving levels, underwater levels, and areas where you find yourself shrunken down and trying to traverse the environment. Its a good idea, but poorly implemented, each of these divergences go on to long, and having to stop the driving mission, to fill the car with gas is excruciatingly dull. Graphically the game fails utterly, with low texture quality and low polygon counts serving as constant reminders as to this games original intended release date.

The Duke is back, is a factual statement, but he is bringing his perverse and outdated one-liner with him. While Duke was funny, in his most memorable appearance back on Duke Nukem 3D, his movie quotes are 10 years too late. Its sort of funny to think of the character as a sort of relic of an era long since forgotten, but the game doesn't position him like that, instead portraying him as the same "badass" and ladies man he was back when he was relevant. Instead he and the onslaught of crude jokes come across as immensely unfunny and then mildly offensive.

Duke Nukem isn't without merit, well in actuality the game in fact is, but as a history lesson into one of the most delayed and resurrected videogames in history its quite fascinating. You can often see elements that, had this game been released in a timely faction would have blown peoples minds. When compared to today's current crop of games it is a testament for how far the industry as come. For that sole reason this game deserves a look, to see what games used to be, what they are now, and for the now legendary story of this games development. As a history lesson its fascinating as a modern videogame its laughably outdated.

(1 out of 5)

Dexter S6 E1 "Those Kinds of Things" Review

I have become so conflicted with Dexter since around Season 4. Dexter has so much potential to dig deep and show a deeply tormented man, trying to keep his unquenchable thirst to kill at bay, while raising a family and working as a blood splatter analyst for Miami Metro Police Department. Instead Dexter never carries through its developments, opting to always reset every season. Every year we are given a new villain that Dexter will need to track down and stop before he/she/or they do anymore harm. In Season 4 Dexter had to fend of The Trinity killers advances while protecting his wife Rita and kids, but by season end Rita was dead and the kids moved in with their grandparents. Last Season Dexter meet Lumen a young women who he connected to, and as a women seeking vengeance against the people who assaulted and tortured her she saw Dexter for who he really was and loved him for it, but once again by season end Lumen had been "cured" of her dark passenger and she moved on.

And so here we are in Season 6 with a fresh slate, its unfortunate Dexter (the show) has no greater ambitions, instead Season 6 feels (for better or worse) like taking Dexter back to his roots, more forensic cop by day killer by night. Dexter just happens to be looking out for the future of his son, by finding a pre-school he feels comfortable inducting his son into. Debra is cursing up a storm like usual and still dating Quinn, but apparently the investigation that had Quinn pinned as the man who killed Liddy last year, has been neatly and conveniently wrapped up off-screen. Batista has thankfully divorced LaGuerta (also off-screen) since they were the most annoying couple last year. This whole episode just feels to convenient, everything is as normal and simple as it use to be, where is the drama, why isn't Quinn under investigation or more importantly, still suspicious of Dexter.

Having said all that this was still a pretty damn great first episode, with Dexter tracking his latest prey at his high school reunion and being forced to be more social, something Dexter is not very good at, which leads to hilarious scenes of him trying to comprehend the phrase "Hammer Time" and more specifically how it relates to normal time. Watching Dex return fully expecting to be ignored as he was in high school, only to be the center of attention was the highlight of the episode, dancing terribly, getting a BJ from the prom queen, playing tag football, and learning that his date to the spring formal found out she was a lesbian after him. Its all played for laughs and is a great counterpart to him trying to get proof that the star of the football team killed his own wife, so he can kill him.


Back in Homicide a duo of religious killers, take their first step into whatever apocalyptic vision they have. Killing a fruit vendor by disemboweling him, replacing his intestine with snakes, and finally sewing the Alpha and Omega sign into his chest, all while quoting from the Bible (specifically Revelations). Colin Hanks seemingly plays the student role of this psychotic duo trying his best to seem like a killer but, so far I'm not convinced. He looks like a little boy wearing his daddy's jacket, and it honestly looks quite silly.


Either way Dexter is back, with an interesting set of villains, and a back to basics feel. Even if everything feels artificial and conveniently reset for the new season, its still fun to watch Dexter stalk his prey, and his new interest in religion could only lead to some great moments throughout the rest of this season. I just fear this show will lose its appeal the more it continues the same formula.

(4 out of 5)